Today we had our Senior Prep Rally. I have yet to bust into tears. I’ve shed a few but that was due to overthinking. When I’m a lone, the stream can be endless. The true feelings I have are tested when people are around. I tend to show the stronger side of me even if I don’t want to and hold it. I don’t dare let a tear fall because for years I couldn’t control it but then I wanted to fake it. Now, I’m not necessarily faking it but I’m taking it.
I met one trombone player today. There were two in total. The girl, as far as I can tell, is stupid. She’s just more mature than the guy. The guy however, is easy to deal with. Isn’t that true for the most part? Lol. Us guys. Simple. What’s on this paper? I don’t know where the hell this comes from but it’s there. I guess it’s the true me coming out. But anyways. I would tell him what to do. He’d do it. Then, I’d tell him how to improve it. He’d improve it. This would continue. I’d make him improve more and more. It confused him.
“Okay, so I do this…. Then you tell me to add something… And then when I finally add that something… You add another thing! I just don’t understand!”
How do you think you’d react if someone told you ALL the steps at once and tell you to do them? Honestly, I’d freak because I’d think of all of those steps at once instead of a one by one process. He still needs to work on more. He’s getting the point though. I find it funny. I don’t explain a thing. I give them a summary of what I want and then eventually get it. I don’t force them to do anything. They could all just refuse. Everyone I’ve taught so far? They learn what I teach them. Future teacher skills right here.
The kid’s name is Antonio. I have no idea what his last name is. I probably won’t find out. Since I’m a senior and he’s an incoming freshman there’s no way I will be able to spend much time with him. That’s alright though. I told him that I can’t leave this school KNOWING that he sucks. I pretty much said the same to Boni and her best friend.
I don’t like knowing that I can help someone and not help them. We lost our football game 59 to 28. That’s okay though. I’m just happy that we had a good season. Yes, I want to go to play offs. No I don’t want to learn another show. Yes, I want to learn another show to stick it in people’s face that I learned five shows in high school instead of four.
I’m torn by this.
For the first time. I was able to just hold Boni on the bus and fall asleep. I had an adrenaline rush that I forced to go dormant so I can go to sleep and she was tired so she went with it. Normally she does something to bug me or pester me but she flat out fell asleep with me. I got to wake her up this time. I felt happy to be able to do that for the first time. There have been times where she has had to wake me up but she would be awake the whole time.
Also, we have this thing at the last home game to announce all the Seniors that are involved with the football game, the trainers, football players, dancers (Chiefetts), band, and such. What we do is get in line by organization and then get in alphabetical order. Since we’re the Chiefs and Maidens we have this Tepee that we walk through, stand at the entrance and take a picture but as we stand there they announce what we’ve done and what we plan on doing after graduation.
Looking into it makes me suffer. The mere fact of no familiarity being around me anymore. High school becoming a different world for me. A past world, not one that I can enter as ‘current’ it makes me sad. I don’t wan that. Although, the day had to come—eventually. A part of me is still rejecting the fact that I’m a Senior this year but. They keep on reminding me. I’m just waiting for the tears to break, for the stream to flow, but as far as I know I’m still standing strong.
Good night everyone. That’s all for now.
