Apparently, I’m becoming such a big hit in younger people’s lives and older people’s lives but in the age that I’m a class in I’m dismissed. I don’t understand. It hurts me more than they could ever imagine. It’s fine. I’m already a good author and I push myself every passing post or work of art that I write so I’ll always improve in that aspect. But socially. Just. Socially. What’s going on?
I guess it’s because I could care less for clicks and I cold care less to fit in but at this moment in time I want everyone to know that I hate it when people don’t like me or when they dismiss me. What I mean by this is when I’m talking to someone and they just slowly drift away. That happens a lot. I got so used to it that I just keep talking and I bite my lip on the inside trying to hold back the urge to just hurt them or to make them stare back at me in horror or amazement.
I’ve done so much to dismiss it myself. I keep telling myself that it’ll go away but then I realize the time that it goes away is when I’m at work or in public when I’m not at school. I used to go to school to avoid having to be at home but now it’s like I can’t stand school or home so where do I go? I go to work. For the reason I can just leave home come back and ignore everything and sleep. This isn’t a good habit to get into but that’s how it played out.
Looking on my facebook I see five hundred people that I don’t talk to every day. Between me, main, and twin there are so many people that we call ‘friends’. Just basing off of main’s life real quick. To just consider her facebook friend list. One hundred or so people are family so then you’re left with four hundred people. From those four hundred people you send them a message and talk to them adding one new person everyday to the message once a day list as you go. By that time you’ve learned something about those people’s lives so you become friends with other people that are influences in their life and so happens you want to get to know them too.
Main wanted one thing this year. It was to get to know the friends that she had and not really focus on making new friends. Well. That didn’t happen. Or at least hasn’t happened so far. According to our research it is a lot easier to make friends rather than to keep them. To keep up with them notification wise is easy but to actually speak them constantly or even somewhat not regularly it is difficult. There are those group of friends that you have at lunch that you sit with then the group that you sit with when you don’t want to be with certain people. After it all kind of just blurs together.
Scientifically you’re not supposed to have a lot of friends. You’re supposed to have a certain amount of friends. Maybe twenty five or so. Also proven is that you change around the people you’re with. The way you speak and the way you talk is based upon those people that you hang out with which is also (inputted by a friend) the reason why being around or being friends with too many people hurts you. Because then you lose yourself. Who change subconsciously so then who are you in the end?
For me, no matter who I’m with I’m bunt. I know that if offends people like my mother and within the friends I hang out with at lunch it’s a quality we all share. Viewing us from a camera would seem that we are rude to each other. But if anything, we’re the nicest people that could be considered rude. The people I hangout with outside of school are a different story we all have that trait of being blunt but not all of us will openly speak out minds without thinking. That’s where I come in. That doesn’t change. Whether I be openly speaking my mind about my family or about my friends. I don’t tell them a story of lies. That requires thinking. Telling the truth is the easiest and the most simple for me which is why I’m able to think that way.
When I started this I wasn’t sure where I was going but I keep getting interrupted so I’ll just end this here lol. Yea. Updates…
