memoir(^○^)

xliii. a little letter for your ego

"I just don't understand, you know? How could he told everyone that he likes me--me, the way I smile, the way I talk to him, the way my cheeks blush--but then end up with you? I mean that's stupid, right? And so, what now? Am I just suppose to sit here and watch and hope he will look at me the way he used to? Hoping that I could be his fix when he ends it with you?" She looks at me--eyes all teary and red from the endless cry and sleepless night she had. "There must be something I can do to get this right. I... I deserve a chance. Another chance. He was in love with me--and not you. And I screwed up for not seeing him the way he saw me. For denying it. But now, I know that I have feelings for him too and as much as I'm late, I deserve another chance to be with him. Because I'm the one, I'm the girl, he used to have feelings for."

I stood there for a split second--looking at her with tons of emotion that overflowing from my gaze. Anger, sadness, fear, all of them haunt me. Sending shiver through my spine as I let out all the things that already bother me for so long.

"You can't blame him, you can't blame me, and we both know it. It's not his fault that he falls for another girl while you sit there on a super fast train hoping that he might catch up to you. And no, you wont get that chance. You can't get that chance. You know why? Because you were never there for him. I was the one who stay up all night, unraveling his thoughts, listening to all his problems and became his shoulder to cry one. I was the one who always stood one step behind him, waiting for him to turn his back so that he could realize that I'm not going anywhere. I was always there for him--as a friend, as a family, as someone that he could trust. And where were you? Nowhere. You just sat there on your train hoping that he would come and confess every single little feelings that he had for you. You didn't even make an effort to know him better."

She stood in silence. Her gaze is empty and her whole body's trembling. She open her mouth--wanting to say something, to deny my words--but words and him, are the two things that she will never be able to find anymore.

I take her hand and squeeze it gently. "You don't deserve another chance and you do not allow to wait for our relationship to end just so you can fix him," I whisper slowly. "But him, however, he deserves better. And I'm willing to try to give it to him."

— if you love someone and you're way too late to realize it, let them go. he's happy with somebody else and when you have the chance to choose, you choose wrong. so go, live with the regret that will forever be haunting you because i'm not going to give him up.