Things I Do When My Mind is A Freaking Crime Scene:
- drown my head in the bathtub - trying to sleep - sleep - avoid people because my words might be a bullet to them - more sleep - more of drowning head in the bathtub - plug in my headphone and listen to some song that include screaming on it in high volume - crying out of the blue - stuff whatever food that happens to be in the refrigerator to my mouth - drink coffee - get a freaking headache because I'm allergic to caffeine - more sleep - sleep again because reality's a trash - read some good books - rewatching one direction concert movie - trying to pour my heart out on writings - the writing turns out ugly so I shut down the laptop instead - wanting to share my burden with someone - but then I realize that no one will understand - so I'm talking to myself instead - pretending like God's hearing my stories - drown my head in the bathtub again - for real, I'm not kidding about drowning - lying helplessly with blank mind - trying to laugh - go out and act all fine in front of the whole family so they don't ask questions - be as bubbly as I can - more of trying to laugh - stabbing people in the back of my mind - imagining what should I say to everyone that make me feel like crap - the words turn out rude - and I'm not brave enough to say it - exhaling a really deep breath - more and more of trying to sleep - reading sad poems - trying not to throw the blame on my self - eat some more - be positive be positive self love self love - fail at being positive - crawl inside the blanket like a tiny burrito - and sleep - and cry some more - and when I wake up - either the crime scene go away or I go back to stage one - by stage one I mean drowning my head - in the bathtub - since its cold and I'll be out of breath - and the world will fade for a while - its ok its ok
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