memoir(^○^)

(39) - interpretation 3.0

"We're in love aren't we? You know heart don't break around here." - Ed Sheeran, Heart Don't Break Around Here.

* . * . * . *

Bullshit.

Hearts freaking break everywhere—on the U turn down the road, at the school hallway, behind the bathroom doors. Heart breaks everywhere and everytime. No matter who you are and who you want to be. And don't even try to deny it by saying that heartbreak is such a usual thing because it's not. Heartbreaks can change you. There are one or two heartbreak in your life that will turn you into a different person whether you realize it or not.

Here's a simple example ; if you are in a relationship and your partner cheated on you it will forever leave you an emotional scars. You will keep questioning what you did wrong and why you weren't enough for him and later on, when you think you're okay, you will find it hard for you to trust people again, you will find it hard to fall in love again because you're so freaking scared that that person's going to let you down again.

A few days ago, I was sitting in a café, waiting for my order with friends. And as we wait, my friends talk to me about their problems—boy problems. They talk and talk and talk and though they do not say that out loud I can see the sadness in their eyes. I know how tired they are. They're devastated and lost. They want everything to just stop but at the same time they want things to keep going and be better. They are not crying but I know their soul hurts like hell. They're in pain with every breath they take.

At that very moment, my mind wanders to every stories about love that my friends ever told me. One of them got cheated, two of them got left behind without further explanation, the other one fall in love with the wrong person, the next one broke up a long time ago but the pain still lingers around her like white smoke on December night, another one's too late to realize that she's in love and the only thing that she can do right now is holding on tight to whatever she have left because that person's gone with someone new. And I've seen each of them cries their heart out—with a big red puffy eyes, tears that stains down their cheeks and heavy breath as they try to stop the overflowing feelings.

Then, one question that never shows up on my mind before pops up in my head. "Who needs that?" my mind said. "Who needs love and all it's bullshit theory? You are doing fine and great on your own. You're doing well. You can be happy without needing anyone to make you happy. You do not need to risk yourself to get treated like crap to be happy. This way, you can be safe." Then my mind play the images of everyone that I care about crying because of love once again and in that time I could never agree more with my mind.

You see, there are two kinds of people in this world from my point of view ; the good one and the bad one. But in each day that I pass on this Earth, the less good soul I see in people. I am not a saint. I have flaws and I do wrong things sometimes but I will never be fake. I will never lie to myself and others. I will try my best to be true about who I am and how I feel because there are two types of people that I really hate in this whole universe ; (1) the one who cheated whether it's in relationship or academic and (2) the one who lie and say bullshit. I will never let my self be one of the two.

And If trusting people means letting them point a gun right to your head while believing they won't pull the trigger then I am done trusting people. 

I will never let my self stand in that such position

ever again.