memoir(^○^)

(34) - in between

(( she unlock her phone & look for the last text message she receive from him. she's frozen for a while, looking at the screen with no sound, before finally her fingers start to type))

Sunday
17.02

Me:
I had a dream the other night that you are the source of light that I've been dying to find. And right now, in this moment, I don't let my fingers stop writing the overflowing feelings inside me. I simply need to let it out, no matter how ugly it will sounds. I don't think, I just write.

You see, I never expect to fall and even right in this moment, I refuse to acknowledge this feelings inside me. But deep down inside I know what it is. I know exactly what this feeling is and I'm scared. I'm scared to death of feeling this way because falling for someone that probably going to turn me into rusty pieces is the least thing I need to do right now. There are so many moré important things that I should probably do but my stupid little brain and heart can't stop thinking about the little dimples you have and bright nice smile you throw to me when we're seeing eye to eye.

And I know what I feel is probably wrong and you, in the other hand, do not feel the same and for heaven and hell sake, I want to stop and I will stop this feeling if I could. But for now, I think I'm drowning in my own doubt and fear. These are the only time I've ever wished the stars and the moon to give me the ability to read your mind because for once, I want to understand what's going on inside that pretty lithe head of yours. You're probably somewhere, out there, sipping coffee and laughing with your friends but I'm here, all alone, contemplating with myself whether I want to risk being hurt again or not and for every single second that pass I know I'm already doomed.

((she read what she wrote all over again. she's frozen for a while, looking at the screen with no sound, before finally her fingers touch the screen and press the delete button. she is not brave enough))