memoir(^○^)

lxxvvxix. men & mars

When I was fourteen, I cried my heart out for a certain someone, wondering why I wasn't good enough. I spent hundreds of hours replaying the 'what if' scenario in my head. What if I was prettier? What if I was kinder? Nicer? Smarter? What if I was just... enough?

Later on, when I felt better, I promised myself that I will never fall for a certain someone as hard as I fell before. I promised to never wear my heart on my sleeve. I promised to love myself first on top of everything. I was too messed up that I lost everything I believed in.

On the same year, my mother told me that I can trust no man. Maybe it's because men are all from Mars and women are all from Venus. Men, the people from Mars, belong to the same place. And so not every man are the same but still, they share the same basic character. My mother also told me that men aren't always faithful, that trusting them will just giving me pain in return. "It is really hard to find a man who will talk to a girl only. Don't let them fool you. It's in their blood" is the thing that she always said.

On my sixteenth birthday, my mother told me that she hates the way I always speak highly of people. She told me that I trust everyone a little too easily that I always ended up being deceive. She reminded me once again where all the men came from. Mars, she said, and dear, you see the good side of people a little too much that all their bad sides disappear and that's why you always end up disappointed when they do the thing that you least expected. That day, I spent my whole night thinking about what she said. She's right, of course. And so I started to stop believing on everything once again.

I was just seventeen when I met you. You were nice. A little too nice that I can't find a flaw in every single thing that you did. You didn't look like the person who came from Mars that my mother always told me about. You're something else from somewhere else and somehow you restore my faith in men again. I thought, wouldn't it be nice to try to trust someone? Wouldn't it be nice not having to worry about whether they're a good person at heart or not?

And so I told my friends that I'm going to learn to trust people again. I told them that you came from a different place. You're not from Mars. You came from a planet in which the people that lived in it are worth trusting for. My friends warned me about you. They told me that no men out here on earth are worth trusting for. They told me that I should be careful because not being to see someone else's flaw is the thing that's going to crush me in the end. Nobody's perfect and not being able to see the imperfection is a wrong thing—the right thing to do is to see the flaw and learning to accept it.

I listened to them though and I'm very grateful that I choose to listen to them because in the end you're still a man. You're a man and all men came from Mars. You still share the same basic personality with one another. A little unfaithful, tend to look for an instant escape. It doesn't matter how many times you told me that you just want me to be happy. It doesn't matter how many times you were there at 2 am. It doesn't matter, because in the end you still came from Mars.

And just like my mother said once again, it will be better for me if I could just stop seeing people good side as their dominant. Therefore, I won't be surprise when they turn out to be the person that they swear they'll never become.

Ps. stop complicating problems and don't think too much and just go be with whoever the hell that makes you happy.

Pss. never compare one person to another. comparison suck. the old me would hate you for that.