memoir(^○^)

(16) - interpretation

HAPPIER
—my kind of interpretation of happier by Ed Sheeran.

Selalu ada masa dimana aku merasa kamu tidak cukup senang—seperti waktu aku mendapatimu duduk dengan wajah yang ditenggelamkan di dalam kedua telapak tangan dan saat dimana aku melihat kamu tersenyum dengan senyum yang tidak mencapai telinga. Most of the time, you look like shit. Seakan seluruh beban di dunia ada di atas pundakmu. Kadang rasanya kayak kamu lebih sibuk dari Presiden. You have that habbit though—to think about everything and nothing all at once and to do things really close to when it's due. Dikejar deadline mungkin memang hobimu.

Selalu ada masa dimana aku merasa kamu tidak cukup senang—kamu seakan berubah menjadi orang lain yang tidak aku kenal sekarang. I don't know the you that willing to give up everything for love, for I only know the you who love Science like hell and willing to do anything to achieve your goals. But I don't mind though, virus aja berevolusi masa kita enggak?. Mungkin kamu yang aku kenal dulu memang bukan lagi sosokmu yang sekarang. Though you changed, but I'd like to remember you that way. Rasanya karaktermu yang dulu lebih menyenangkan untuk diingat daripada kamu yang sekarang.

Selalu ada masa dimana aku merasa kamu tidak cukup senang—aku rasa ini hanya egoku saja. Dulu sekali, aku selalu berpikir; she doesn't know you like I know you, she doesn't and she will never know you the way I do. Dulu sekali, setiap melihat kamu duduk sendirian dengan wajah muram aku selalu berpikir; see? You're not happy, stop lying to yourself. Dulu sekali, aku selalu berpikir bahwa aku yang paling tahu tentang apa yang cukup baik buatmu dan apa yang tidak. Namun lama kelamaan aku sadar, kalau semua pikiranku hanya wujud dari egoku. She knows you way better than me and I'm glad she does. Everybody deserves that kind of someone in their life.

Time has passed and I don't know since when, tapi setiap aku melihat kamu aku tidak lagi merasakan hal-hal itu. I see you and I was like "oh it's him", that's it. I no longer miss you nor need you as someone to share my stories too. Aku tidak lagi peduli tentang apakah kamu senang atau tidak because I worry about myself more. I learn to appreciate my self more because I know I deserve so much more. My gazes are crystal clear now and so does my heart because I no longer think that you're not happy—in fact, you look happier.

Mungkin awalnya aku dan egoku yang sebesar gajah itu gak suka melihat kamu senang. Who am I kidding? Siapa juga yang suka diperlakukan semena-mena sementara the one who treat me like shit's having a good time? But I think I've grown a bit now, because I don't mind. Semua itu ada di masa lalu and the truth is I feel comfortable of us being a slight stranger. This may sound so wrong, tapi aku merasa hidupku sedikit lebih tenang semenjak kamu pergi.

Anyway, it was nice meeting you and I'm going to admit it now that you look way happier than before.

You look happier &
I'm very glad you do
.

PS. I know that I don't matter to you anymore but I'd like to tell you that I'm happier too. Lately I've been feeling so well and I haven't feel it in a long time. I think I've found someone who makes me feel nice enough. I don't know where this will go, but as long as it makes me feel nice and happy, I don't really mind. I don't want to think much about the future now, I'll just live the moment.

PSS. I think we're even right? You're happy and I do too.

PSSS. Mannaseo bangawoyo (: