Keeping You

Three

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I woke up just the same as the day before. I went through the same routine as the day before. I checked my mom’s room. She was just about to lie down when I cracked open the door.

“Hi honey.”

“Hi mom. I’m going to school.” I said, walking over and kissing her cheek.

“Okay, I have work later so I won’t be home again.”

“I know.”

She sighed. “I’ll have the water bill paid by Thursday.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, mom. It’s okay.”

She sat down on her bed and cried into her hands. I sat beside her and hugged her.

“I wish I could give you a better life.” She sobbed.

“You’re doing the best you can, mom.”

“But it’s not good enough.” She choked. “Go to school, you’ll miss your bus.”

I got my backpack and keys and locked the door on the way our, like always. I don’t live in the great half of my town. Not many kids do live on this side and most don’t live in a shit hole as bad as mine. 

The bus stopped and I got on. I tripped to my seat as the bus jerked forward before I could sit down. The kids that were already boarded laughed as I took my seat.

“I can’t let them start getting to me again.” I thought to myself.

As the bus stopped at each bus stop, more kids piled on. The same boy from yesterday did his joke all over again, calling me an ogre instead of a fat ass. I’m sure this will become a daily thing as well. No one sat next to me, no every does. They’d rather pile three people to a seat than sit with me.

In homeroom, Sharron made rude comments the whole time. I tried to finish my math homework when someone spit gum at me. It latched into my hair by my ear but I just sat there. The bell rang and everyone piled out.

“Y’know Opal, you should really stand up for yourself.” The teacher said.

“I tried, it makes it worse.”

“Maybe you didn’t try hard enough.”

“Maybe I should have adult figures in my life that should give a fuck and say something about it.” I snapped, slamming the door on the way out.

Aren’t teachers supposed to be reliable? Aren’t they supposed to be the ones to do something when they see a student is getting harassed or bullied? It’s like everyone in this fucking place doesn’t give two shits about what happens to me.

I went into the bathroom and tried to get the gum out, but it was no use. The door swung open and revealed a few girls with angry eyes. One of them was Donna. She was more violent that Sharron, but still all the same.

“Looky here, hi Opal. Having a rough day?” they formed a circle around me as I backed into the sink. “I was kind of upset we didn’t catch you yesterday. I was looking forward to having some fun, smacking you around a bit.” She pushed me back.

I tried to get passed but they were stronger than me.

“NO RUNNING YOU BITCH! I haven’t had my fun!” she back handed me and shoved me to the ground.

Her and her friends kicked me in the stomach a few times. They pulled my hair and slammed me against the wall as I tried to stand back up. They left laughing. I used the wall and sink to help me stand back up again; I looked at myself in the mirror, trying to brush my fingers through my hair. I washed the blood off of my lips from a small cut. I took a deep breath and walked back out of the bathroom like I didn’t just get beat up.

The pain was so common that I’m pretty sure it used to hurt way more. Of course it hurt like hell, but I was used to it. I snuck into an art room and took a pair a scissors. I cut out the gum. I had a big chunk of hair missing but my dark brown locks were thick enough to cover it up. I returned the scissors and went off to my next class, since I missed first period.

Lunch time I was supposed to see my math teacher but I couldn’t do it. Instead I bought a lunch and ate it by my locker. I sat on the floor.

I heard footsteps coming from around the corner and tucked my feet in. They turned towards me and I look down.

“You belong out here, you dumbass. No one wants you in the cafeteria anyway. We don’t want a disease.” One of the boys said, bending down and growling into my ear.

The other kick a locker, causing me to jump, before they walked away laughing. I finished my food quickly and made to my class early before kids were let out of lunch.

My English teacher let kids throw things at me during the entire period. She didn’t say one word. I know she saw too, because she gave me a sympathetic look. She could have said something, but again that’s not how people work at this school apparently.

I told the principle before, but nothing was done or said. When I asked he said that it was no use. The kids would do it anyway.

In my last class I was tripped on my way to my seat and my books flew across the floor. My ears rang with the familiar sound of the snickers and bellowed laughs.

I got pushed off the bus today. I’ve got cut on my hands from the sidewalk and bruises on my knees. I’m sure they matched the purple on my stomach. I changed into my work clothes and caught the bus right before it took off.

I examined my hands and I had one deep cut from a piece of glass that was on the concrete. The rest were small scraps. The ones that burn really bad. 

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-Em xx