Keeping You

Forty-Four

EDIT ON SIDE IS MINE :)

The semester is over and I'm moving out of my apartment with Ruby. I'm going to miss living with her but since I'm no longer going to school, I can't live there. I bought a studio apartment near where I'll be doing a lot of work. Ruby helped me move and I promised her we would still hang out whenever we could. She met her new roommate and for her sack I hope they get along because otherwise if feel horrible.

Niall and I are alright. I still struggle with the trust stuff. Every time I see a girl on his Facebook I try not to think negatively and Niall assures me I'm the only one for him. Sara says he doesn't go to parties anymore and if he does it's with her and Liam. They are watching him for me.

Sometimes I feel bad because it's his life he should be able to do what he wants. He doesn't seem to mind though. He likes that I get jealous. He said it makes him know that I love and care for him.

I had my first shoot and a couple photos in the VS catalogue. Once it's out Niall said he's going to buy it. He implied what he was going to do with it but I'd rather not think about it since I'm still not all that comfortable with the sex stuff yet.

Niall says he struggling with it and he watches videos a lot. When he talks about that stuff I blush like I used to when we first started dating.

I've changed a lot since then. It only natural, right? At least I'm still the same girl. I am a bit more confident and I'm not so shy.

Sara says she likes it because I'm more open with her. I let her know what's going on and I don't hide stuff, like things about Niall.

Because Ruby has rubbed off on me some, I am more comfortable with my sexuality and I say sometimes vulgar things that I would have blushed at a year ago. Niall likes that a lot when I'm trying to be "sexy" over the phone just to tease him.

I did say I'm not entirely ready with that with him yet but I have my days where I feel like I've punished him enough. I have some days where I wish I could fly to him and let my hormones be released but I can't do that. I know that once I'd get there I'd freak out and think about her again.

That girl has been haunting my subconscious since I saw Niall in the shower. I can't imagine myself with him when my mind develops images of them together. Him kissing her and touching her, just the thought makes me sick.

I can't stand that she has impacted our relationship this much. She's wrecked everything and if I ever see her face again I can guarantee I'll beat the shit out of her for what she's done. Sure she "didn't know about me" and Niall is as much to blame, but the bitch told me it was more than once when that was clearly a lie.

Argh anyway, it's nearly Christmas. I spent thanksgiving here with Ruby and Levi because we had finals to study for and she wasn't going home so Levi came here. It didn't matter to me since I wasn't used to having a thanksgiving anyway.

I'm going home tomorrow evening. I packed myself up and I finished setting up my apartment. Since it's a studio apartment, it's all one big room. The kitchen and living room all together. I have a Murphy bed that folds out from the wall. My "bedroom" is a step up from the rest of the apartment making it seem a bit separate so I used accordion walls to separate it more. I can watch my one TV from my bed. I have a small couch and one of those oversized chairs. My bathroom is sort of bigger than expected with a walk in shower and and old fashion tub. Overall the place is modern and artsy and just what I can afford at the moment. I love it.

When I first got here my first thought was that I hoped Niall would like it. I didn't see why that mattered if it was my apartment but I wanted him to like it. Maybe if we do live together over the summer, he won't mind living here.