Kaela's POV
Returning to work made me forget the pain of my losses. I gave all my time to the foundation. I made myself very busy to the point I only have time for sleep.
Today is Papang's 1st death anniversary. At andito ako ngayon sa ancestral house namin para tumulong. Here in our province, 1st death anniversary would need a lot of food for those who'll help us pray for the soul of our departed loves ones.
Jake was busy so I didn't bother to ask him to come with me. Honestly? Hindi ko alam kung ano bang nangyayari sa amin. We actually barely talk this past few months. Siguro kasi pareho kaming busy. He even forget our anniversary pero I didn't mind. Worrying would just make me upset and sad.
"Kaela, magpalit ka na ng puting damit. Maglalaglag na."
Ang paglalaglag ay isang tradition ng pagluluksa. We wear black for one year to honor and mourn our departed love one. On the 1st year of death, those who made the 'pagluluksa' wearing of black are oblige to change white before the concluding prayer.
"Hindi po ako maglalaglag."
"Bakit?"
"Yung anak ko po kasi pinaglukuksa ko. Tatlong buwan pa po."
"Namatay ang anak mo?"
"Opo, yung ipinagbubuntis ko po nung nakaburol si Papang."
"Ay. Patbubayan ka nawa ng Dyos,hija."
I smiled at the old lady. I think she was one of those who will sing latin prayers later.
Dahil hindi ako 'maglalaglag' nakaupo ako sa likod nila Mommy. Silang tatlo kasi magpuputi na. During the whole prayer, which lasted for 2 hours, all we do is cry. Cry because we all miss Papang and we all know he's not here anymore. I cried because in just 1 year I lost two man in my life, my father and my son. I cry because, I feel so empty right now.
After the prayer, my ates' husbands went near them. At muli ay naiinggit ako. My husband is not here and I know he's slowly slipping away. I just hugged Mommy and cried on her.
"Hindi ka naglaglag?" tanong ni Mommy
"I will on Baby Jacob's first birthday."
Half day lang at tapos na dapat ang lahat as per tradition. After we had our lunch, we head at Papang's grave. We offered him prayer, flowers and candles.
"Asawa mo lang ang wala." Ate Nicole said
"Sorry, sobrang busy kasi ni Jake ngayon. Hindi na nga halos umuuwi eh."
"Ikaw ba Kaela okay ka lang? Iyak ka ng iyak kanina ah?" Ate Nadia
"Oo ate. Naalala ko lang kasi si Papang, alam mo na, paboritong anak eh." Sabi ko
"Pero Nikkaela, anlaki na ng ipinayat mo. Mukha ka ng malnourished." Mommy
"Grabe ka naman sa malnourished Mommy. Nawalan lang ako ng konting taba. Sanay kasi kayo na mataba ako eh." Ako
"Hindi yan gugustuhin ng Papang mo, alam mo namang ayaw na ayaw nung papayat ka." Mommy
I smiled at them. Oonga, ayaw ni Papang na pumayat kami.
"Ano nga palang balak mo sa death anniversary ng anak mo?" Ate Nadia
"Wala naman. Siguro magstay na lang ako dun sa libingan nya. Magdadala ng bulaklak, ganun."
"Ayaw mo bang magpadasal?"Mommy asked
"Pwede po bang ipagpadasal nyo na lang ako? Hindi po kasi ako makakauwi nun. May pasok tapos ako mas gusto ko kasi sa libingan ako buong araw."
