Kaela's POV
On the phone.
Me: Sige po Mommy. Salamat ha Ma. Sa satuday na lang po kayo pumunta dito.
Mommy: Osige. Sigurado ka hindi ka uuwi?
Me: Hindi na po talaga. Ipagpadasal nyo na lang po si Baby Jacob jan. Papunta na din po ako sa libingan ni Baby eh.
Mommy: Ikaw lang? Asan ang asawa mo?
Me: Bumili lang ng kakainin namin Ma.Sige po, aalis na po ako.
I hanged up the phone and cried in front of my child. Kanina pa ako andito at hindi ko kasama ang asawa ko.
"Sorry Baby, Mommy needs to lie to Lola."
"Pero busy siguro talaga ang Daddy mo kaya hindi na sya nakapunta. Andito naman si Mommy anak eh. Okay lang naman diba? Dapat din naman tayong masanay na tayo lang dalawa. Maybe soon, he'll have another family."
"Anak, if ever Daddy wants to have another family, don't get mad at him ha? He deserved it. Mommy fails at everything and being alone maybe is what I deserve. So don't worry much anak ha? I know yout Daddy loves you sooo much and maybe he just moved on."
"Happy birthday anak. I miss you Baby."
As much as I wanted to stay at my strong facade. I can't handle my pains anymore, there infront of my lost child, I cried. Ngayon lang ako umiyak sa puntod ng anak ko. Ayaw ko sanang umiiyak dito pero hindi ko na kaya. Lahat ng sakit at frustrations ko, ngayon ko lang nailabas.
"Baby Jacob, Mommy is so sorry for failing you. Sorry that Mommy is so great in failing. I failed your Lolo, I failed you and now, I am failing your daddy. Sorry. Sorry."
Hindi ko na kayang itago pa ang sakit. Isang taon akong nagpapanggap na masaya na ako pero ang totoo, hindi. Hindi ako masaya. Ang totoo nasasaktan ako. At hirap na hirap na ako. Ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit patay ang anak ko. I am a worthless mother. Pinabayaan ko sya kaya sya nawala.
Ngayon, pati asawa ko napabayaan ko na. Janine confirmed to me na may relasyon sila ni Jake. She said she was even his first love. Ikinuwento pa nya ang love story nila. Sya pala dapat ang pakakasalan ni Jake kaya lang hindi pa daw sya handa kaya nagbreak sila. Ngayon, back to each other's arms na raw sila.
Noong araw na puntahan ako ni Janine at sabihin lahat ng ito, I did not cry. I did not even winced. I was on my resting bitch mode. Dun naman kasi ako the best, magpanggap na okay lang ako. Pero pag uwi ko, umiyak ako. Kasi tama si Janine, pagaalaga lang ng anak hindi ko pa nagawa, ano pa ang pagaalaga ng asawa?! After that day, I act as if nothing happened. I need some more months to enjoy being his wife and I promise that I'll free him soon.
I spent my whole day at the cemetery. I even extended until 3 am. Kaya madaling araw na ako nakauwi. The rain poured really hard last night, as if the heavens cried with me. I never wanted to go back in the unit, I just wanted to stay with my son. Pero, kailangan kong siguraduhing okay ang asawa ko. For the last time, kailangan ko syang pagsilbihan.
Nagulat ako ng madatnan ko si Jake sa living room. I was dripping wet that moment. I felt like there's a lightning that stucked my being upon seeing his very handsome face. The face of the man I will love until the end, the face of the man I will let go and let live today.
"Where have you been??!!! It was raining hard yet you just went home now?! What are you thinking?!"
I looked at him helplessly. Ayoko syang sumbatan. He doesn't deserve that, ako, ako ang may malaking pagkukulang sa kanya.
"Can you help build a better place for Baby Jacob? I want his place to have a roof."
Natigilan si Jake maybe because I asked for a favor in behalf of someone he tried hard to already forget. But I promise, this will be my last favor to him before I let him live a new life.
