The Vampire Prince and the Vampire Hunter

Chapter 56

Selfish Love

Astrid

Bumaba ako ng hagdan para lapitan sina Clad at Malcolm.

"She looks just like her" ani Malcolm pagkalapit ko

"Yeah" ani naman ni Clad saka ako nilingon, "Where's Isabel?" He asked me

Ngumiwi ako bago sumagot, "Upstairs" at agad siyang pumanhik sa taas upang puntahan ang babae.

Nanatili ako sa tabi ng natulalang si Malcolm. Inabot ko ang kamay niya at pinagsalikop ang aming mga daliri. Nilingon niya ako at nginitian ko naman siya.

"Let's talk" he said at bumitaw mula sa hawak ko. Nalaglag ang panga ko sa kanyang ginawa. Medyo gulat at nagtataka pero sinundan ko pa rin siya.

Nagpunta kami sa roofdeck ng bahay ni Vasil. Naroon siya malapit sa railings. Tinatanaw ang kabuuan ng syudad habang nakatingin naman ako sa kanyang malapad na likod.

"Malcolm?" I called. I noticed how his whole body stiffen sa simpleng pagtawag ko sa kanya, "What's wrong?" I asked. I know something is wrong? Pero bakit? Kanina'y maayos naman kami ah

Humakbang ako papalapit sa kanya at huminto noong magkatabi na kami. Nagulat ako ng bigla niya akong lingunin gamit ang galit niyang mga mata. What happened? What did I do?

"Why did you say you love me?" Aniya, his eyes holds so much emotion that's too much for me to contain kaya mariin akong napapikit

"Because it's the truth, Malcolm" i answered as I opened my eyes again with new courage to stare back at him

"Is it really? O baka naman dahil naapakan ang ego mo nang dumating si Isabel at siya ang pinili ni Clad. And now you need me to get even!" Pag aakusa niya

"No! Of course not!" Agad kong apela, "I didn't say I love you to get even, I said I love you because it's the truth! I'm in love with you!" Sigaw ko, "I love you" ani ko sa mas mahinahon na tono

Hindi siya nagsalita. Wala siyang sinabi. Nanatili lamang siyang nakatitig sa akin na para bang tinitimbang niya kung paniniwalaan niya ba ako o hindi. Humilam ang aking mata at nanlabo. I can't believe this

"Why can't you believe me?" Tanong ko kasabay ng pagpatak ng aking luha.

Pumungay ang mata niya habang sinusundan ng tingin ang luha kong dumaloy sa aking pisngi

"Why is it so easy for you to say that you love me? When I remembered how much you tried to push me away when I confessed my love to you and said you will always love my brother. It will always be him you said, remember?" Bigo niyang sabi

Pinalis ko ang aking mga luha sa sobrang inis. What's with him by the way? At bakit nagkakaganito siya? He looked so happy when he first heard about it. Bakit ngayon...

"Noon iyon, Malcolm!" I shouted, frustrated, "Noong mga panahong natatakot pa akong aminin sa sarili ko na ikaw talaga yung mahal ko. Simula pa lang ikaw na yung mahal ko. I'm so scared! Kailangan ako ni Clad noon. Takot na takot akong biguin siya so no matter how fast you make my heart beat or how nervous and giddy you make me feel I stayed with him because I'm damn scared of failing him but most of all I'm scared of the feelings you make me feel. It's too much. I'm so in love with you it scares the hell out of me!" I cried, he stared at me wide eyed. Even I didn't know I was feeling that way for him way back. Ngayong nasabi ko na ang lahat ng ito, nalabas ko na ang saloobin kong ito, gumaan bigla ang pakiramdam ko. Kaya pala...

Matindi na ang paghikbi ko at nahihirapan na akong huminga. Kahit gaano ko pa kagustong manatili rito at makipag usap sa kanya para bigyang solusyon ang problemang ito, sa tingin ko'y kailangan ko munang dumistansya mula kay Malcolm. He's killing me.

Without saying any other word I turned around and left him there. Nakakailang hakbang na ako palayo sa kanya nang magsalita siya

"Astrid..." He called

I stopped but I didn't turn to face him, "Nasabi ko na ang gusto kong sabihin. It's your choice now if you're going to believe them or not" ani ko at muling nagpatuloy sa paglalakad pabalik sa aking silid.

As soon as I closed the door, ay agad na akong tumalon at dumapa sa aking kama. I sighed. Tuyo na ang mga luha ko. My eyes are drained and hurting ngunit kumpara sa sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon sa aking dibdib, my swollen eyes couldn't compare. I thought telling him that I love him would be easy. Ni hindi sumagi sa isipan ko na pagdududahan niya ang pagmamahal ko para sa kanya.

But maybe I am at fault too, I loved Clad so hard before...well, at least I thought I did. And Malcolm was there. He saw everything. Ilang beses kong pinamukha sa kanya na wala na akong ibang mamahalin kundi si Clad at kailanman'y di ko susuklian ang pag ibig niya.

But then again, his love for me makes me question it's truthfulness gayong di naman pala niya ako kayang pagkatiwalaan. I also wonder if we could have a future together, love each other peacefully, despite of our clashing principles and personalities.

Loving Malcolm made me realize how different we really are. I wonder if it would change me to be a better person or worst and the same with him. I wonder if this love is really worth fighting for to begin with. Dapat pa ba namin itong pagpilitan? Simulan? I have a feeling that our love for each other is too much, the destructive and obsessive kind, the reason that it scared me. If we push it now, I don't think we'll ever stop. And we might hurt other people because of our selfish love.