CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX:
"I'll explain later."
(TWO MONTHS LATER)
I never really liked the rain actually. Not at all.
I always kind of avoided going outside when it rained. It worked for me for the last eighteen years. I only liked it when I was inside, I would watch the droplets land on my window and the sound of it soothed me. I only liked it when I didn't have to deal with it, when I was protected from it in a sense.
Now I know what it feels like to stand in the rain, because right now I was being drenched by it and I hated it.
"Omera, what are you doing?" Dan calls from behind me. I blink slowly, recollecting myself before I turn around and stare at him. He stood there with an umbrella but he made no move to walk over to me.
"I hate the rain." I respond, but my voice came out so softly that he didn't hear me.
He steps closer to me and furrows his eyebrows.
"I hate the rain." I repeat louder.
"Then, why are you standing in it?" He questions me. He still doesn't come over to cover me with his umbrella and I don't know why that hurt me so much. Does it matter to him that I'm getting drenched and I might get sick? I know that if I found him in the rain I'd cover him up and bring him in immediately before I ask any questions.
"I-I don't know but I hate it." I tell him, hoping this would be enough for him to cover me up, but he still doesn't. "I hate it so much." I say, feeling a few tears coming out of my eyes.
"I don't understand you sometimes." He shakes his head as he looks over at me. I blink slowly, feeling a bit dizzy. He shakes his head again.
"Come inside and dry up." He advises before he turns around and walks back inside.
"I think I'm sick." I call out to him, he turns back around and I see a bit of concern flicker in his eyes.
"You shouldn't be in the rain then." He shrugs a bit, he motions his head indoors before he begins to walk away again.
"I feel dizzy, I can't walk." I call out again. If he heard me, he doesn't show it. Just walks back inside. I just want him to care, I wanted him to turn around and carry me back inside. Call me crazy for even going out in the first place, and then dry me up and make me promise to not do anything stupid like that again.
Maybe I'm asking for too much, but honestly I would have been happy if he even told me that he would leave dry clothes out for me.
Nevertheless, I walk back inside, hoping that maybe he would be running me a bath or even holding a towel for me. However, when I go back to the apartment, I find the door is locked and then I feel this heavy feeling on my chest. It feels worse then when we broke up. At least back then I got rid of my hopes and declared that he didn't love me, but right now I'm so confused.
I weakly knock on the door, and after a minute someone unlocks it. I hope it's Dan but instead it's Phil. I guess that's what kills you to most, when you hope for something to happen, and you begin to get prepared for that relief, but someone lets you down.
"Oh my god, are you okay?" Phil furrows his eyebrows as he looks around inside.
"Yeah, I just got drenched." I sadly state, at least Phil sort of cares.
"Dan just came back, did you see him?" Phil questions me with a look of confusion.
"I don't know." I walk past him to go look for Dan. It's been like this for a month, he finds me and leaves me feeling even more depressed than before. He doesn't even do it intentionally, it just seems like he doesn't care. I don't know where things went wrong. It just happened. I always expect things are okay when he invites me over.
It's that thing I was talking about, about having hope for things and then getting disappointed I always feel like he's going to the same old when I get here and then I'm just left confused and hurt.
"I don't understand." I say as I barge into Dan's room. He looks up at me, he was in the middle of putting his coat away.
"What is there to understand?" He questions me calmly, he doesn't even seem bothered by the fact that I'm currently drenched in the rain.
"Is there a problem? Just tell me what's wrong." I demand him, he sighs and pauses quickly.
"There isn't-" He begins but I cut him off.
"You don't understand how tiring this is, I can't take it anymore. Just fucking tell me before I rip my hair out." I explain to him, my chest hurts a bit before my eyes blur.
"Why do you always think something is wrong? Nothing is wrong, just calm down." He argues back, I could hear the hostility in his tone.
I scoff. "We don't talk, we don't spend much time together, and if we do it's just this. I try asking you what's wrong and you completely close me off."
"I don't do that, just leave me alone. My head hurts, we'll talk later." He brushes me off.
"I'm tired of this, leaving you alone. I can't deal with it anymore." I declare as I walk over to my backpack and begin shoving my stuff into it.
"What are you doing?" He seems a bit hesitant to stop me, but it's quite clear he wants me to stay.
I don't stop though, just keep putting things into my bag. "My mother hates me, my dad won't look at me, and my brother told me he's disappointed in me before he left for college."
He stays quiet.
"You know why? Because I decided to stay with you, and I fought for that. I threw everything my parents built for me away just to be with you and I don't know what it was all for." I tell him before I get up and walk right out of his room. He doesn't follow me out either, I didn't expect him too but I won't lie. I hoped he would.
--
"I'll explain later."
