Klance oneshots

Texts 2

Lance: If womb is pronounced 'woom' and tomb is pronounced 'toom' shouldn't bomb be pronounced 'boom'?

Pidge: Is

Pidge: Is that a pun?

Lance: Bees don't have knees so if someone says you're 'the bees knees' it means your nothing and not real

Keith: In fact they do. Bees have segmented legs, consisting of parts called a coax, a trochanter, a femur, a tibia and a tarsus. The joints between which are considered to be 'knees'

Lance: why do you know that

Keith: Well when you live in Texas you pick these kinds of things up

Lance: What a weak excuse. Real reason. Now.

Keith: I was drunk and woke up with a vast knowledge about bees.

Lance: the fuck

Lance: heyyy im supperp drunk rnn LOL

Keith: Goddamn it Lance

Lance: ohhg heyyY keeth ma bud ma manma fav boyfren

Keith: I'm your only boyfriend, idiot. 

Lance: ohh yea I fergott

Lance: did ya no i luv youoooo

Keith: Yes.

Lance: duz u wuv meh

Keith: Yes, I love you, dork

Lance: MA BOYRFEND LOVEES MEEH 

Keith: You need to calm the fuck down

Keith: Wait how did you get drunk we don't have alcohol up here

Lance: what the hell???

Shiro: Lance! Watch your language! There's a young child present!

Pidge: Yeah Lance what the fuck

Hunk: Guys please

Keith: How do I tell someone I want to hit their face with a brick in the nicest way?

Pidge: One wishes to acquaint your facial features with a fundamental item used in building walls. Repeatedly. 

Keith: That was beautiful. 

Pidge: Do you ever just realise how satanic birthday parties seem?

Keith: um

Pidge: Think of it this way. A small gathering of people huddled around an object on fire, chanting ritualistically a repetitive song in unison until the fire is blown out and a knife is stabbed into the object

Keith: The hell

Pidge: exACTly 

Keith: Lance where are you

Lance: Sorry, darling! Lance isn't here. He's been captured by the one and only prince Lotor (that's me darling) and he's my boyfriend now

Keith: BiTcH THE fUCk hE Is

Lance: Oh! I should give you my number so we can properly talk  ;3

Lotor: Hello, darling!

Keith: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BOYFRIEND

Lotor: Now, now! No need for such language!

Keith: DON'T YOU 'THERE'S NO NEED FOR THAT LANGUAGE ME' BITCH I WILL LITERALLY CLAW OUT YOUR EYES WITH MY OWN HANDS AND THEN I'M GONNA STUFF YOUR EYES DOWN YOUR THROAT SO DEEP THAT YOU'LL LITERALLY  BE LOOKING OUT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING ASS AND THEN I WILL SNAP YOUR NECK DO NOT THINK I WON'T

Lotor: Calm down, darling! It's nothing to get so worked up about!

Keith: MOTHER FUCKER THE FUCK IT ISN'T WHAT THE SHIT

Keith: I WILL TAKE DOWN YOU AND YOUR FUCKING GALRA ARMY

Lotor: Looking forward to it. Lance told me all about you. I can't wait to kick some puny human ass :)

Lotor: Of course, Lance didn't tell me about you on his own. 

Keith: HOW DID YOU EVEN TAKE HIM AWAY WITHOUT STARTING A FIGHT

Lotor: I'm VERY sneaky.

Keith: BUT LANCE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BE QUITE HE LITERALLY WOULD'VE BEEN SCREAMING

Keith: Wait

Keith: He sent be some strange texts claiming he was drunk 

Keith: DID YOU DRUG HIM!?

Lotor: Ooh, you're smart! If I didn't want to date Lance, I'd date you ;)

Keith: BITCH