Klance oneshots

Voltron except it's Brandon Rodgers

WARNINGS: Offensive. God, this is so offensive I'm so sorry I-

Kuron: YOU PIECE OF SHIT I AM YOUR FATHER-

Keith: *throws something at his head* NOT THIS YEAR YOU'RE NOT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME YOU'VE NEVER LOVED ME.

Kuron: YOU ARE THE WORST THING TO EVER COME OUT OF MY ASS 

****

Pidge: Waddup, my name's Pidge... I'm fifteen and I'm going to hell for life. 

****

Lance: You know what the kids used to call me on the playground???

Lance: Titty fucker. 

****

Keith: Yo I got a secret. I think I'm allergic to most dick-shaped food. Cucumbers, eggplant, yo, I can only have corn when it's not on the cob, dog. 

****

Lotor: Yo, you wanna hear a secret? I've been learning magic, dog. 

Lotor: *suddenly wearing a hat* Where'd this hat come from??

Lotor: Magic. 

****

Hunk: See my tattoo???

Keith: Damn, that's a pumpkin. 

Hunk: It represents how scary I am. 

****

Shiro: I'm not here because I wanna be, I'm here because I'm lost.

****

Allura: *pointing to a seagull* Oh, that little boy needs to lose some weight.  

****

Lance: NO TIME FOR SEATBELTS. 

Lance: HOLD ON, MAMA'S GONNA GAS THIS THING.

Lance: GET READY TO GO THROUGH TIME.

Lance: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

****

Shiro: *in background sniffing something up his nose with a straw*

Adam: I'm out here just having a dandy picnic with my roommate, Shiro. 

Shiro: We need more coke. 

Adam: We packed pepsi.

****

Coran: Aren't these trees beautiful? 

Coran: They're the oldest living thing in this park-

Coran: *bumps into someone*

Zarkon: Oopsie-