Vanitas × Noé

Angriest

This is so stupid but I want to write it anyway.

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Vanitas glared at the stupid cat. Murr glared back at the stupid human. They stayed in this position for a while, Vanitas sitting on an armchair with Murr by his feet. They did not stop glaring until-

"What are you doing?"

Both Vanitas and Murr's heads snapped over to look at Noé. The vampire was standing in the door frame with his head tilted slightly to the side, observing them.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Vanitas replied, emotionless.

"It looks like... You're playing with Murr!" Noé's eyes shone as he bounded into the room.

"Th-that is not what I'm doing!" Vanitas spluttered.

"It's not?" Noé innocently questioned and Vanitas had to wonder if this man was really so naive.

"No, it isn't. I was glaring at the damn animal after it scratched me," Vanitas held up his arm as evidence, showing Noé a small scratch on his wrist.

"What did you do to provoke him?" Noé frowned as he scooped the cat into his arms, Murr looking simultaneously too lazy to escape and extremely angry at being picked up.

"What did I do to provoke him?!" Vanitas exclaimed. "Your beast is feral! It's angry all the time and attacks innocent people, like me, for no reason!"

"That makes two creatures I know who are angry all the time," Noé muttered.

"What did you say?" Vanitas's eye twitched.

"Nothing," Noé nonchalantly answered.

"No," Vanitas growled standing up from his chair and pointing an accusing finger at Noé, "You implied that I'm angry all the time like your demon furball!"

"Well," Noé said, casually pushing Vanitas's finger out of his face, "aren't you proving my point right now?"

Vanitas hissed, "You are an even angrier person than me!"

"How so?" Noé asked, setting Murr down and letting the cat scamper off.

"That's right, get out of here you mangy little shit," Vanitas mumbled as Murr left before turning to Noé again. "You really don't know? Do you want some examples?"

"Yes please Vanitas. Tell me how I'm angrier than a man who swears at a small white cat."

"First, do you remember right after we first met when I took you to Count Orlok? I'm sure you do. Do you also remember kicking a desk across the room out of pure rage while I tried to talk to them? Next, do you remember when we were in Altus and you oh so bravely jumped between Ruthven and I? You were very angry then if I remember correctly. Finally, do you remember when we visited dear old Doctor Moreau and you flew off the handles at him when I had the situation completely under control. There are certainly more instances but I thought three would be a sufficient number of examples Noé."

"Shut up!" Noé ground out.

"Huh?" Vanitas blinked.

"All of the instances you just mentioned were because I was trying to protect people! Amelia in the first instance and you in the other two! Don't you dare compare that kind of rage to you being mad at a cat!"

"I'm sorry Noé," Vanitas replied insincerely.

"Don't lie to me. You don't feel sorry at all. Not only that but you were making light of some very serious situations a moment ago. When we were with Doctor Moreau he was about to tear one of your eyes out! And if I hadn't stepped between you and Ruthven then you would be dead!"

"I didn't ask for your help in those situations!" Vanitas snapped back. "You were being too reckless!"

"That might be true but you're reckless all the time! You have self destructive tendencies and I'm honestly surprised you lived so long without me!"

Vanitas paused for a moment because what Noé was saying was true partially true. He did do a lot of impulsive things with little care for personal safety. Even on the first day he had met Noé, Vanitas had been completely prepared for and unafraid of death. His fall from the airship hadn't even scared him. Truthfully there were many instances where he should have died but didn't because of dumb luck or help from someone else.

"Vanitas... I'm sorry..." Noé looked at him in concern.

Vanitas laughed, throwing his head back in ecstasy, "For what Noé?"

"I thought I had upset you," Noé frowned, just as confused as he had been when he first entered the room.

"Oh dear no but I think we know who the angriest is," Vanitas grinned.

"We do?" Noé raised an eyebrow.

"Yes! I am the most irritable but you are the angriest. Apart from the furball that is. He is definitely the angriest creature on the planet."

Noé cracked a small smile, "Alright Vanitas."

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How did this happen? This was meant to be something cute about Vanitas and Murr being vexed with one another but somehow it ended up being Noé and Vani yelling at one another. I don't understand! It seems like I just enjoy making them fight but this wasn't my original intention!