Vanitas × Noé

Cooking

"You are absolutely useless!" Vanitas fumed.

"It isn't that big a deal. You're overreacting." Noé said.

"Shut up. We are fixing this. Now!"

"Now?"

"You heard me."

Vanitas shoved Noé into the kitchen with more force than necessary. He proceeded to take out a multitude of utensils and ingredients, slamming all the cupboards as he did so. Occasionally glaring at Noé as he made his way to a different part of the kitchen.

When he had finally finished Vanitas made a face at Noé, "you're helping me cook dinner."

"I still don't see why."

"Why? Everyone should know how to cook! You grew up in the middle of nowhere, how do you still not know how to do basic chores. I bet you can't sew either."

"Well-"

"I knew it! Come here and dice this onion and cut these carrots and celery for me- but make sure to watch what I'm doing at the same time. We're making Cassoulet. I already pre-made some of it last night so it should be an exceptionally easy recipe."

Noé started his task and he tried. He really did but watching Vanitas and cutting an onion at the same time was too difficult and he ended up mostly ignoring Vanitas. When something started to smell nice he looked over at Vanitas had started heating something in the oven. Then he felt a sting on his finger. Noé looked down to see a tiny amount of blood trickling from his hand. He jerked it away from the food  and glanced at Vanitas again.

He didn't want to admit he'd cut himself but what was he supposed to do? He didn't want blood all over his food. Unless it was Vanitas's, but that was a problem for another day. As he was contemplating how to hide his blunder Vanitas sauntered up behind him.

"What's taking so long?"

Noé jumped, "it's nearly done..."

Vanitas scowled and took the knife from Noé, deftly slicing the rest of the vegetables. He gave Noé a judgemental sidelong look before carrying it over to where some of the other ingredients were. Noé followed.

"Season that duck, will you," Vanitas waved vaguely, already focussed on another task.

Noé began to move only to be reminded that his finger was still bleeding. He didn't want to get any salt or seasoning in his wound, besides it was profuse enough he doubted he could hide it. He took a sideways glance at Vanitas only to find the human staring him down impatiently. Noé gave a wobbly smile before turning back to his work.

Tentatively, he moved his unwounded hand to the pepper and sprinkled a bit on one of the pieces of chicken. He looked at Vanitas for approval only for him to click his tongue and begin striding towards Noé.

"God, you're useless. What's taking so damn long," he scowled, shoving Noé to make room to stand beside him. "Just watch me." Vanitas efficiently worked on half the pieces of chicken with none of the hesitation Noé had had. "You finish the rest." Vanitas didn't move away.

Noé brought one hand up to copy what Vanitas was doing. "Use both hands, you dolt!" The human reprimanded.

Noé slowly brought his other hand up, angling it away from Vanitas in an attempt to hide the bleeding. It didn't work. Vanitas snatched his wrist and began inspecting the cut, scowling.

"Did you get this chopping the vegetables? Why haven't you cleaned it yet? Go away and tend to your injury! I don't need you bleeding in my kitchen!"

When Noé had fixed himself and bandaged his cut he came back to the kitchen. Vanitas was happily continuing to make their meal and blatantly refused to let Noé help any more. It was fun at first but just watching Vanitas got a bit boring. Noé started idly playing with one of the little bits of carrot Vanitas had neglected to add to the meal. Eventually he decided to flick it at the human. It collided with the back of Vanitas's neck with a satisfying splat.

Vanitas turned around slowly and menacingly. Throwing a spoonful of the broth he was stirring at Noé. It was hot! After that everything descended into chaos. They began flinging food, utensils and anything else within reach at one another. Noé filled a glass with water just to pour it over Vanitas's head. Vanitas threw an entire pot at Noé. It was madness.

When they were both tired, and out of ammunition, the kitchen was a mess. Somehow their food was mostly intact but nothing else was. Cleaning up would take twice as long as the cooking. Their clothes were a mess, both covered in food and smelling awful. Of course they both thought it was hilarious and laughed at the ridiculousness.

"Hey, Noé, do you mind cleaning up while I finish dinner? You do know how to clean, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

They both went went about their business and when they had both finishes their tasks Noé set the table for them. Vanitas brought out the finished cassoulet and they ate together. It was a little rough around the edges, even a bit burnt in some places but overall it was pretty good. They both agreed however that Noé should never be allowed to cook by himself or at all.

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I know they don't have a kitchen in their room but I wanted them to cook together so screw it. I don't know why this went the way it did but there you go. I hope you enjoyed. Also, I was originally going to have them go through every step of the cooking process but I thought that would be boring so only vaguely referenced certain steps (probably incorrectly).