Vanitas × Noé

Not Worth It

I'm going batshit insane after having seen the raws of chapter 47. They won't be any spoilers for it here so you're safe dear readers but holy shit. The chapter is wild and I have so much I want to say after it is translated.

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Vanitas looked at Noé, squinting in the darkness. The vampire was asleep, hugging his pillow tight enough that Vanitas knew he was having an unpleasant dream. Noé would be awake soon no doubt, though he wouldn't speak about his dreams. Not that Vanitas had any right to expect Noé to confide in him about someone that was likely quite personal.

Still, Noé had insisted he didn't have nightmares. Just dreams that left him feeling upset. That sounded like a nightmare to Vanitas but he'd agreed not to refer to them as such. A few moments passed before Noé stirred from his sleep, his eyes snapping open as his body almost toppled from his bed, glowing deep red. They quickly faded back to their usual purple as Noé turned his attention to Vanitas.

"Did I wake you?" Noé asked.

"No," Vanitas waved a hand dismissively. "I haven't gone to sleep yet."

"It's late. You shouldn't still be up."

"I would have woken up anyway. How bad was it tonight?"

"It wasn't bad," Noé furrowed his brow. "It's never bad."

"Yet it distresses you?" Noé didn't answer and Vanitas sighed. "Whatever the dreams are, the best thing you can do is just try to go back to sleep. Maybe distract your mind by reading a book for a few minutes beforehand."

"I'll just go straight back to sleep." Noé shuffled back into a comfortable sleeping position. "What do you do when you have dreams you don't want?"

"I don't dream."

"Liar," Vanitas could hear something suspiciously like fondness in Noé's voice. "I know you have nightmares sometimes."

Vanitas stiffened. Noé wasn't wrong and honestly with all Vanitas had been through it would be stranger if he didn't get them. But how could Noé tell? Vanitas only got them very rarely and he knew he didn't do anything more drastic than open his eyes quickly. Besides, Noé was a deep sleeper so he would't know even if Vanitas was violently lurching awake.

"I can hear you thinking over there," Noé said. "You always act strange in the morning after a nightmare."

He did? Vanitas glared at Noé, waiting until he was settled comfortably in bed nd breathing deeply. Then Vanitas slipped outside and onto the roof. He lay against the cold tiles and huffed. He liked sleeping in his bed but the idea that Noé could read him in some way was bothersome. He didn't want to be near the vampire for a little while. Vanitas himself wasn't even aware he had some sort of tell the morning after he had nightmares. He wanted to believe Noé was just making it up but it seemed unlikely. So then, what did he do? And could he stop doing it?

First he considered what he had nightmares about. It was all the obvious things: vampires, Dr Moreau, Vanitas of the Blue Moon, Mikhail, promises he'd broken, people he'd failed. Even knowing the things that haunted his dreams he couldn't begin to imagine what reaction he was apparently having to them. Curse Noé for giving him such trivial information to fret over. He'd be turning this over in his head for days. The idea that he was obvious enough for Noé to pick up on it was oddly terrifying. Had Dante pointed out the same thing he would have just called him bald and maybe punched his shoulder.

Because Dante never delved too deep. Sure, he was a nosey as hell but not about anything that wouldn't directly benefit him. Even if he did want to know something personal about Vanitas he tended to broach the topic very carefully, always allowing Vanitas to keep his silence if he wanted. Noé was different.

He wasn't ever going to force Vanitas to say anything but he was much more blunt about his intentions than Dante. He wanted to know more about Vanitas and his conviction never faltered. Even when Vanitas refused Noé, the vampire would reiterate that he still wanted to know more even if he couldn't. And the fact that Noé had apparently discovered something Vanitas didn't even know was horrible. Because it meant Noé may work out other things on his own.

Noé was curious by nature and whether by accident or otherwise he was sure to stumble upon secrets Vanitas would rather keep hidden. Noé would never learn something better left forgotton without Vanitas's consent on purpose. But the fact remained that Noé wanted to learn more and if the opportunity presented itself he may take it without understanding the ramifications. Vanitas knew this. And yet he allowed Noé by his side. He liked Noé by his side.

Noé was almost certainly not worth the trouble. Vanitas knew he may come to regret getting so close to him in the future. But despite the ever present danger he wanted Noé to stay.

In the morning they went about their routine as usual. Vanitas got them breakfast and Noé met him on the roof so they could eat together. They were quiet as usual, just enjoying the Paris cityscape and the crisp morning air. Eventually Vanitas brought up the topic that had been bothering him all night.

"How do you know when I've had a nightmare?'

"Oh, I thought you knew. You tend to stick closer to me after a nightmare."

"Huh?" Vanitas narrowed his eyes.

"It's rather hard to notice if you're not thinking about it but you tend to stay within arms reach. See, right now," Noé extended his arm towards Vanitas, "I can't even touch you."

"I see." Vanitas planned to rectify his habits afterwards, never allowing Noé to know he had had a nightmare again.

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Eh this is kinda weird but I wanted to write something because the chapter 47 raws are living rent free in my brain right now and I can't focus on anything but vnc.