Josh Dun Imagines And Preferences ✅

"He isn't me and he never will be me!"

"Hey, Josh, do you mind if we head off to my friend's house for the day?" I ask my husband, Josh, who's currently reading to our 3 year old son, Caleb.
"Of course. Caleb, do you want to go to Mommy's friend's house?"
"Yes, Daddy! I can show her the present Mommy gave me." He gets off Josh's lap and walks over to me, holding onto my leg.
"Hey there, little guy," I say, picking him up. He wraps his legs around my hips, and we head off to his room, where he gets a little rucksack to take to my friend's house. I go to help him pack, but he shakes his head.
"No, Mommy, I can do it. But could you take my photo please?"
"Of course," I say, going over to Caleb's chest of drawers and picking up the framed photo I took of him and Caleb Shomo, who's the lead singer of a heavy metal band called Beartooth, who we took OUR Caleb to see in May when we were on holiday in England as they were playing in a festival there. Josh's bandmate, Tyler, managed to get us to meet the band, and Caleb was very impressed to be with his heroes.
"Mommy, why are you just standing there?"
"Oh, sorry."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine," I answer Caleb, who's looking at me with concern.
"Ok," he says, continuing to pack his bag. I tell him that we need to go now, and we both head off to meet Josh.
"Hey, guys, how are you?" He asks, hugging Caleb.
"Mommy zoned out again," Caleb tells him.
"Caleb," I say sharply at him, the familiar feeling of anxiety churning in my stomach. Josh looks up at me, and gets up, telling Caleb to go put his coat and shoes on.
"What's wrong, love?" He whispers to me as I watch Caleb put his coat on.
"Nothing, Josh. I'm fine; I was just looking at the photo Caleb has in his room and thinking about the story behind the photo."
"Ah, ok. So long as you weren't thinking about the events around that time."
That's when I snap.
"Josh! It's fine if I think about the events around that time; it's not going to hurt me!"
"I know, but you tend to get upset, and-"
"For God's sake, Josh, I'm not a little girl! I'm 23; I can look after myself!" I hiss, pushing Josh slightly as I go and put my Doc Martins and Josh's camouflage jacket on.
"Y/N," Josh says. I ignore him, and grab the car keys.
"Let's go!" I say, opening the door and letting the two boys out of the house. We all bundle up in the car, and I drive off.
It's only when I'm on the highway that I realise I forgot Caleb's photo that he wanted to show my friend.

***

"Right, we're here!"
"Mommy, are you mad at Daddy?" Caleb asks me as I help Caleb out of his car seat.
"No, baby, it's just that-" I pause, noticing Josh is staring at me with a hurt expression on his face.
"It's just what?" Caleb enquirers, causing me to sigh.
"It's just that sometimes Daddy can annoy Mommy sometimes," I say bitterly, mainly aiming it at Josh.
"Oh. Why does Daddy annoy you?"
I sigh, trying my hardest to not get annoyed at Caleb; he hates it when anyone shouts.
"It doesn't matter," I say all in one breath, holding Caleb's hand as he jumps out of the car, and then lets go of my hand as he runs over to Josh. They hold hands, and proceed to walk up the pathway to my friend's house. I carry Caleb's backpack, and run up to the front door in order to catch up with the boys.
"Daddy says I can ring the doorbell," Caleb says happily, as Josh lifts him up to ring the doorbell.
"Aw, that's very nice of him," I say in a voice that I hope sounds happy.
All thoughts and feelings go out the window as I see who opens the door.
"You're not Mommy's friend!" Caleb says accusingly, looking scared. Josh steps off the front step, leaving me alone on the same level as the stranger, who's wearing a black sleeveless shirt that show off some armband tattoos with some sort of symbol between them on his right arm, and he has an X on his middle finger of his right hand, along with an anchor on his left thumb, and a quote on his left upper arm. He also has dark jeans and boots, along with four necklaces around his neck, a bright gold scarf, jet black hair, and a lot of eyeliner that gives him the appearance that he hadn't slept in months (something I can relate to).
"Hello, Princess," he says, lighting a cigarette. He deliberately puffs smoke into my face, and I cough, falling off the step.
"Ow!" I yelp.
"Tut, tut. Watch your step, Princess," he chuckles, walking out of the house, closing the door behind him.
"Where is my friend?" I snap at him.
"She's out."
"How do I know you're not lying?"
"Wait!" Josh interrupts. "You know this guy?"
"Of course she know me, Joshua. If Spooky Jim Christmas came along, wouldn't you know him?"
Josh nods meekly, looking down at the ground.
"Mister, who are you?" Caleb asks the stranger.
"My name's Mitchell. And I know who you are; you're Caleb."
"How do you know my name? And why do you call Mommy 'Princess'?"
"I call your mommy 'Princess' because she's weak and a damsel in distress - just like a princess." Mitchell takes a step towards Caleb and Josh. I take a step towards Mitchell.
"Why are you here?" I hiss at him.
"Because I miss you," he says sadly.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Mommy, I'm scared," Caleb whimpers, tugging at my jacket. I hold onto his hand, and I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Josh. The coldness of my heart that I felt this morning suddenly turns warm.
"I miss you, Princess," Mitchell says, getting me out of my thoughts.
Instantly, my heart turns a little colder.
"I don't miss you," I reply smoothly, holding onto Caleb's hand tightly.
I am loved.
"I missed you when you were weak. You were practically my prisoner. I was your true self. I still am your true self.
I am loved.
"Liar," I spit at him.
"Yeah!" Caleb yells.
Mitchell chuckles at little, and starts to creep closer to us.
"Oh, can't you just go bother someone else? Leave us alone," Josh snaps, taking my left hand in his right hand. Our shoulders brush together slightly, and I smile at him. I look down at Caleb, but freeze as I realise he's not there.
Then I see Mitchell holding him.
"C'mon, Princess. Join me, and I'll give you your child back."
"Give me Caleb NOW."
"No."
I walk towards him, letting go of Josh's hand.
"Y/N, baby, come back," Josh pleads. I understand why he's pleading; whenever I used to go into that dark place in my mind, I scared both Caleb and Josh because, well, just because it wasn't nice for either of them to witness.
I am loved.
I reach Mitchell and Caleb, and I reach out for Caleb, who looks like he's on the verge of crying.
"I'll join you," I whisper to Mitchell, and he smiles at me.
"Good job, Princess." He puts Caleb down on the ground, and reaches out to me.
"Don't go, Mommy," Caleb whimpers, clinging onto me.
"I won't," I mouth to him, and then something clicks in my mind. I pull back my arm, and I punch Mitchell hard in the chest. He falls back, but gets up again, rage clouding his eyes. He runs towards Josh, who's pulled Caleb away from me, but I'm ready to defend my family as I stand in front of the two boys. I grab Mitchell by the shoulders, and start to recite the bridge of No Way Out by As It Is.
"And as I exhale out the pain
I'm digesting the severity of the depression that I've felt
The extent to which it claimed a piece of me
How it's left me emotionally vacant and painfully numb
And now together my faults and my thoughts prey on me like vultures
Creeping from their comfortable distance
Never once exiting my line of vision
And the facade I invite to amble whilst wearing my skin
He isn't me and he never will be me!"
"Don't let your mindset control you!" Caleb yells, and I chuckle at him. I stare Mitchell down, and then whisper softly into his ear:
"It's time for you to go now."
Then I shove him back to the dark part of my mind, where he belongs.
"You did it, Mommy," Caleb cries, hugging me tightly.
"Group hug?" I ask them, and Josh nods eagerly. We all hug, and I whisper in Josh's ear that I'm sorry. He accepts my apology, and we kiss each other on the lips.
"Ew," Caleb says, giggling at us. We all laugh, and head off home.
I am loved.