Almost.

42. I love you..

 Fern's POV

 

Another typical monday morning na kakailanganin kong gumising at iwanan ang kama ko kahit antok na antok pa ako. Iyong pakiramdam na ayaw mo ng bumangon at mahiga na lang? Pero dahil may pasok ako, tumayo pa rin ako at nagbihis hanggang sa dumating na si Harrison.

Yesterday, I did not expect Zach to come over. Ayokong umasa na gagawin niya nga ang lahat para sa aming dalawa. I'm honestly a bit tired of  taking risks. Bakit pa? Para masaktan? Dalawang beses na itong naulit at kung uulitin ko pa ito ay nakakatakot na. 

"Hey. " 

 Nilingon ko si Harrison na nakasandal sa pintuan habang nakatingin sa akin.  

"Hey. " I waved back before grabbing my bag. "Nice shoes. " puna ko sa kanyang sapatos na mukhang bago. He smiled back and winked. Napailing na lang ako sa ginawa niya. Ang aga aga pero ang landi landi na niya agad. 

 Lumakad siya papalapit sa akin at agad na kinuha ang bag ko. Akmang pipigilan ko pa siya nang kuhanin niya ang wrist ko. Taken one second before I even realized I was staring at his back, my lips parted. 

Nang makarating sa kanyang kotse, pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto at agad naman akong pumasok. 

When Harrison got into the car, I thought he was going to start the engine but he just sat there, his hands were on his lap. Pasimpleng sinulyapan niya ako. Tumawa ako ng peke. Alam kong alam niyang may gusto akong sabihin sa kanya.

"Are you okay? " 

I never wanted to cry at this point. Ilang beses na ba akong umiyak? Why can't I just be strong? Am I that weak? I just really wanted to prove to everyone I deserve not to cry. That I really don't deserve this. But I think I'll get going crazy every time I force myself not to burst into tears. 

I shook my head. Harrison sighed as what I expected. He suddenly put his hand on the top of my hand and squeezed it, trying to comfort me.

 "Did he do something? I mean, did he hurt you again? "

"Harrison.. " I almost begged for him to stop asking me about him or anything that has any connection about us. 

"Makikinig ako. It might ease..You know..The pain. " There was a note of desperation in his voice. He really wanted to know but it  was really hard to speak.

"Harrison, we talked. " I swallowed hard, feeling doubtful if I should still continue. "He told me it wasn't over. I..I wanted to believe him but I think it's really over. He's going to marry that girl yet he was telling me those things. " He was really a good listener because he just kept on saying 'Go on'. He never interrupt me. And it was really a good thing.

Smiling fakely, I clenched my fist. "And he even told me, he'll do everything. Crazy, right? " My voice took on a note of sarcasm.

Nakikita ko sa gilid ng mata ko kung paano magdilim ang kanyang mata. Siguro hindi rin niya nagustuhan ang narinig.

After what he just done? Leaving, being cold, and coming back...but marrying someone else. And worst of all, he's going to be a father.

"I feel so insecure. " I bursted out. "Kahit kailan hindi ko ito naramdaman. Parang gusto kong agawin siya pero hindi naman pwede eh! There's a child for heaven's sake! And I don't want to ruin this child's life. " Naluluhang tinignan ko ang mata ni Harrison.