Trespassing (Daryl Dixon x OC)

Already Gone

"With everything that sets me back, I push back harder to clear the way."

I was distant, nearly silent. I guess traumatized was a good word, a powerful one at that. One used for heavy subjects like war, or rape. But then used for things like this. Well, I guess this was heavy; the apocalypse, killing. I didn't really know anymore. I've come to terms with the fact that this is real, but it still feels like a bad dream. Maybe a lucid dream.

I've been sitting against a tree on the outskirts of the forest. How long? I have no fucking clue. I've been crying every so often and picking walker blood and weakened muscles and tendons out from under my nails. I still had it all over my face and chest and shirt. With it, without it...what's it matter? It symbolized nothing, having it dried and peeling off my skin was no different than not having it at all. With it it just made me look crazy and sadistic.

Maggie walked over to me as another crying episode started. I angrily wiped my tears away. I don't know why they made me angry, and I honestly didn't care.

She knelt down next to me, just staring for a few moments. "I'm sorry about your daddy," she said. I kept my eyes glued to my knees, silent tears building up in them. I again wiped away the ones that escaped with a quick, forceful swipe, followed by a sniffle. I nodded to let her know I was listening. "How'd it happen?" she asked. 

"Cancer," I responded quietly, speech feeling like a foreign matter to me. 

"I'm sorry," she repeated. There was a small pause. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" 

I thought about fighting it, but in the end, it was still gonna happen. I nodded, bringing myself to my feet beside Maggie. Together we walked towards her house, she wrapped an arm around my shoulder for a few seconds as well.

Upon entering, there was the sound of Hershel and Rick arguing. I stood by the kitchen, where they were, shying myself away behind an entryway to another room nearby. Maggie stood behind me, one hand on my shoulder the other on the small of my back. I could tell she wanted to get me away, to not hear this. But I just had to.

"I want you people gone," Hershel said, exasperated. "I want you off my property by tonight." 

"We can work this out," Rick said. "I promise you we're good people." 

"Some of you are good people. I like you Rick, but I can't have these things happening." 

Rick sighed, looking down trying to think of a way to fix this. He brought in gaze back up, noticing Maggie and me. 

"What?" Hershel asked as he turned around, now noticing his daughter and I. I shied further behind the wall, undoubtedly looking like a child.

Rick gave me these eyes, this look, that said 'everything will be okay.' Hershel directed himself back to Rick. "By tonight," he reiterated before walking away. He mumbled something as he passed me, I paid no mind to it.

Maggie led me into the kitchen, leaving my side briefly to gather a small bucket and washcloth to clean me with. I stood idle in the middle of the room, fidgiting with my hands and keeping my gaze down. 

"Hey," Rick said taking a couple steps over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. The on-call tears started coming back. I looked down even further. "Hey," he said again. At this, I looked up. What's it matter if he sees me like this? He gave me a look of sympathy. "You doin' alright?" he asked. I nodded, a few tears slipping down my seemingly stiff cheeks. Rick gave a small playful smirk. "You lyin' to me?" I couldn't help but let the corners of my mouth upturn slightly, letting out a small huff. I nodded as more tears fell. 

"Yeah," I said, although the only sound to come out was a small squeak of the "ah". Rick pulled me into his chest, resting his chin on top of my head and holding the side of it with one hand. It was very fatherly, comforting, it's what I needed.

After a few moments, he pulled away and held my shoulders. "Everything will be okay," he reassured. I nodded in agreement. Rick smiled, giving my cheek a small pat before leaving the kitchen.

I walked over to Maggie by the sink. She began cleaning the dried up walker blood off my face. "What was he like," she asked, "your daddy?" 

I smiled, every thought of him made me smile. "He was tall, hardworking, loving. He loved me a lot, more than anything in the world," I told her. "Deserved a lot more than he got." Maggie frowned slightly, gently scrubbing at my chest now. 

"What about your mom?" she asked. 

"Never knew her," I said. "I heard things, not good ones." 

"Like what, if you don't mind me asking?" 

I shrugged. "Heard she was a crack addict, heard she was bipolar, heard she was just a bitch," I told her, releasing a small huff at the end. I shook my head. "I don't know, though. I never asked my dad about her, never wanted to." 

Maggie finished up cleaning the blood from my body, throwing the dirtied washcloth in the sink. She leaned against the counter. "For a girl who never had a mother role model, you're one hell of a woman," she said. I laughed at that, causing her to smile in return. "

Tell that to my ex-boyfriends," I joked. 

She smirked before saying, "Come on, let's get you a new shirt."

She gave me a plain gray tank top of hers before we parted ways. I went over to my things, throwing Daryl's poncho on. Somehow it still smelt like him and I loved it. I stood there for a moment holding the neck up to my nose. Closing my eyes, I took a deep inhale, exhaling slowly and opening my eyes. 

I walked over to Daryl, who was sat around the same area I was before Maggie cleaned me up. I sat beside him with a small sigh. He was looking at the picture of us before prom but quickly put it away. 

"Doin' okay?" he asked. 

I nodded, mumbling a small, "Yeah." 

We sat in silence for a few moments, but it was awkward. It felt like that high school-crush-awkward. I fidgeted with my hands again, although I had no more walker to pick out from my nails. 

"Thanks for being there," I said, breaking the silence. 

"Told you I ain't lettin' you down again," he said, turning to look at me. 

"I know," I replied, "just wanted to say thank you." 

Daryl looked at his own fidgeting hands. This awkward silence consumed us again. It was strange, I never really felt this way around him before. And he seemed to feel just as awkward, or maybe that's just me.

"Hey," I said, turning to look at him, "what are we doing? Like, what's going on between us?" There was a small pause. "I don't think friends kiss each other the way I've kissed you," I mumbled lowly, bringing my head back to stare at my hands. I heard Daryl turn his head to look at me. After a few seconds, I locked eyes with him. 

"I don't know, B," he said as he looked back down. I nodded, also bringing my gaze down to my hands.

The awkwardness was suffocating. I couldn't tell if it was him, or me, or just the inevitable. A matter of a minute passed by like molasses. Daryl grabbed the side of my face, giving a sweet but strong kiss to my temple before standing up and walking away. I watched his arms swing at his sides with each step. He kept his head down, he only did that when he thought he did something wrong. I sighed, watching his body get smaller.

"I love you," I mumbled to myself.