Trespassing (Daryl Dixon x OC)

Navy Blue

"Damn it's hard to find sustenance when all I had was love for this and now you don't."

The silence was almost painful. Daryl hasn't said anything since I yelled at him, nor has he made much of an attempt to even look at me. I didn't know if he was mad at me or if it was just the entire situation. I get it; Merle was his last living kin that meant something to Daryl. He didn't see the group the way I do, so to him right now he's lost everything. 

I didn't know how to help him. I'd never seen Daryl in this state before. And on top of all of this, I was mourning, too. Merle finally accepted me, he even said I was a Dixon, and he risked his own life to save ours. He was the only one who knew what the Governor was like and what he was capable of and, despite his grudges against our group, helped save our asses. I never knew he had it in him. And he turned. What a terrible way for someone to go.

That night, I went up to the perch to check on Daryl. He sat with his knees tucked into his chest, a cigarette hanging loosely between his lips. His eyes flicked towards my moving figure a few times, mostly concentrating on the ground. As I crouched down in front of him, however, he slowly looked up into my eyes. 

I dragged the cigarette from his lips, rubbing it on the concrete floor to diminish the flame. Daryl just watched, made no attempts to stop me or say anything. As I let the butt fall to the ground and brought my gaze up, I simply frowned. He looked so brutally hurt. So broken. 

I held his face lightly, gently pressing my lips to his forehead. "Can you please sleep?" I asked in a whisper. "You need it, hon." He said nothing, just stared back. "I'll be right here, okay? Please sleep." He nodded.

We shifted so I was sat upright against the wall, Daryl's head resting in my lap. Out of force of habit, I began running my fingers through his hair. Slow and gentle, gliding the digits back and forth in linear patterns. 

After some time, Carl came up to the perch. I held a finger to my lips, signaling for him to keep quiet. He nodded before continuing his steps to sit beside me. 

"Who died?" he asked quietly.

"Merle," I said, looking down at the boy.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. 

I leaned my head back against the wall with a sigh. "He told me I was a Dixon," I said, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. Carl looked up at me. "That was the last thing he said to me." A few tears escaped, slowly cascading down my skin.

"How's Daryl?" Carl asked. 

"Not good," I said, looking down at my moving fingers.

"How are you?"

"You want the short answer or the long answer?"

"The honest one," Carl said. I released a small exhale before answering.

"I'm a nervous wreck. I'm trying to process everything. I'm worried about him the most. When he gets like this, he just shuts down. I've never even seen Daryl like this before. I just wish he'd talk to me. I want to be there for him like he's been there for me but I'm scared he won't let me. I just...I don't know what t--" I looked down and found Carl asleep on my shoulder. I huffed, leaning my head against the wall again. "Please, Daryl, just let me in," I whispered. Eventually, I was able to calm my mind and fall asleep.

***

A number of days have passed since Merle turned and died. I wrote his death in my notepad, the few seconds feeling bittersweet, although more bitter and less sweet. Each morning I dreaded leaving my cell. Everything has been so off. Everyone was on edge and dealing with their own shit, very few of us having anything good going for them. The only people were really Glenn and Maggie, who finally decided to put my rings to good use and get married. 

I was sitting on my bed staring at the rips and fraying ends of my jeans when Daryl walked in. We shared no words, he just took my hand and began dragging me out of the small space I called home. Based on his urgency and the path we were taking, I was expecting a short amount of time filled with anger-induced and lust-filled sex. I didn't want it, but with Daryl, I just couldn't say no. It was like a child refusing dessert; the thought almost foreign and ridiculous. 

Daryl closed the door to the office, leaving the lantern in its usual spot. I waited for him to make a move but he didn't. In fact, he paced slightly. He looked nervous. "Daryl," I said, the nerves beginning to shake me to the bone as the silence grew and thickened. 

"You know I care about you, right?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, my eyebrows furrowing and my heart racing even faster. "Daryl, what's--"

"Belle," he interrupted, "I'm sorry for pushing you away these last few days and for being distant. I really appreciate you being there for me."

"It's okay, but, Daryl what--"

"You're too good for me. I've been nothing but a piece of shit to you half the time and every single day you still come around and tell me you love me. I don't...I don't deserve to have someone like you."

I couldn't help the tears that built up and fell just as quickly as they arrived. "Daryl," I choked out. My chest felt like it was being pressed down with thousands upon thousands of the heaviest objects known to mankind.

"After losing Merle, I...I can't protect you the way I should. Knowing that you could go any minute is just--"

"But we've known this from the beginning. I know I can die any minute. I know you can die any minute. And, yeah, it scares the hell out of me but it's just our life now."

He held onto my shoulders, looking deeply into my watery eyes. "If something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"But it wouldn't be your fault," I cried. "Please, Daryl--"

"If something happened to you, it would be my fault I wasn't there to protect you. It doesn't matter what you say, I take that upon myself."

"Daryl," I pleaded. I couldn't hear this. This wasn't real. He's not--

"I don't want to put you in danger anymore, Belle. I care about you too much to do that to you."

"But you don't!" 

He leaned his forehead against mine. "Please don't make this difficult."

"You're all I have. You can't leave me. You can't. You're all I have," I wailed. "I love you. Don't leave me."

"I can't keep doing this to you," he whispered. 

"I need you," I sobbed.

"I need you safe, and that's as far from me as possible."

"It's not, Daryl. Please."

He placed a lingering kiss on my forehead. "Bye, Belle," he whispered. I was cemented in my place, tears an ever-flowing waterfall from my eyes. My mouth just hung open as broken sobs and gasps for air escaped my parted lips. The click of the door kept echoing in my head.

He left.