BTS Reactions

A/N: R.I.P. Jonghyun

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

Hello everyone,

I want to say something to a tragic incident that happened today/yesterday, although it has nothing to do with BTS. On December 18th 2017 at 4:42 PM, SHINee's lead vocalist Kim Jonghyun was confirmed dead. I believe this is not an unfortunate news for Shawols, but for the whole Kpop world, including ARMYs.

Kim Jonghyun was a very talented and kind-hearted person I've been looking up to since the day 1. I had known about Kpop before but hasn't it been for SHINee, I wouldn't be here today, writing this heart wrecking message. SHINee was the first Korean group I fell in love with and have respected them ever since. I may have met a lot of other groups, including Bangtan, Big Bang, 2NE1, EXO, f(x), Mamamoo, Topp Dogg and many others, but SHINee has always had a special place in my heart.

The sudden news shocked me. I was sitting in my math class when I clicked on the Facebook icon and an article from Koreaboo popped up.

I was in shock. I didn't know what to think. I know not all information on Koreaboo is true so I was a bit skeptical. I couldn't check the article until some time later, but that were already two other articles up.

I slipped my phone into the backpack and kept staring at the wall for solid fifteen minutes before the bell rang, ending the lesson. I couldn't believe this. None of this. My favourite dinosaur in the whole world, always cheerful and loud, and suddenly not around anymore?

I broke down during the English class and my teacher had to excuse me for the day because I was unable to function. I sat in the bathroom for ages, just crying, but my heart and my mind were empty. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything apart from the deep emptiness and despair. Yet I couldn't believe this, until SM spoke up and confirmed the worst.

Although I am still utterly shaken, my shock and grief can't compare to those of his sister, family, friends and members. Just two days ago, I was excited about the news of Jinki's return and now I have to reconcile with the thought of SHINee never being whole again.

SM canceled all their events and plans and the internet is filling with fans' messages. I read several of those and of also those from his co-workers and colleagues. I am going to cry my eyes out once any of the members speaks up but what really shattered my heart was the message from Yoogeun's mother. I know it's been long since SHINee Hello Baby and they haven't met many times since then (at least what I know), however I am more than sure that this will be a hard punch in his stomach.

Jonghyun was an inspiration for many of us. Despite not knowing about it, he was one of those who have helped me through my toughest times. He was always very kind, towards his co-workers as well as towards his fans. He couldn't stand anyone sad and he was always the first one to comfort them. He was very emotional and empathetic, sometimes even our little crybaby, and I always admired him for his ability to express his feelings openly. I am really sorry that he didn't open up about his struggles to anyone (or at least it's not known if he did). He cared about others and never forgot to check up on those whom he loved. He was very friendly and outgoing, able to make friends anywhere. I have always been proud to be able to call myself his fan.

His tragic death is also a reminder of South Korea's alarmingly high suicide rate. It is the second highest in the world and it commonly affects more men than women. Jonghyun was one of the many who die every year which makes me more than miserable.

No one deserves to die. No one should ever feel like suicide is the only way. Please, reach out for help if you ever find yourself in such situation. I know what it feels like - both being the one suicidal and losing a dear one.

I hope that even though Jonghyun decided for such drastic measures, he's somewhere happier than here. It is paining not only my heart but hearts of many all over the world. My heart goes to his family, friends and people he was close to. He's yet another person to joing the 27 Club where a lot of my favourite artists are.

Dear Jonghyun,

do you remember that time when you couldn't join others to work on your MV for 'Why So Serious?' from the 'Why So Serious? — The Misconceptions of Me?' back in 2013? When I saw the MV, I thought to myself: "SHINee is never complete with only four members."

I know it's now too late to say anything but I miss you already. You gave me strength when I thought I could never stand up again, hope when I thought I could never believe again and a reason to keep going. I hoped to see you grow old, to laugh at your silliness and adore your straightforwardness for a long time but now it seems I'll be the only one of us two watching your members grow and man up. To be honest, you never needed to lose weight or have insoles in your shoes because you were perfect the way you were. I bet a lot of people think of you right now. Are you happier where you are now?

You were a wonderful soul and I hope you'll get reincarnated as a bird or a butterfly so you could visit your loved ones. If not, we may see each other somewhere in the sea because I am going to turn into a sea turtle or a ray after I die.

You'll stay forever in my heart. I love you.

Rest in peace, Kim Jonghyun
08/04/90 —18/12/17