Rants and Rambles

Wow. I Was A Weird Child.

Hi!

I was scarred for life this morning.

I was looking through my old Google Drive, and I found a story that I wrote in about fourth grade. It's scary.

So many grammar issues and spelling errors and things that make absolutely no sense.

Well, I have nothing better to do this morning, so I guess I'll share it with you! (Unedited version):

Sofie Sparks and the Mystery of the Missing Masterpieces...

By Puff (when she was in fourth grade)

         
Chapter 1
Before I tell the story of the missing masterpieces I should tell you about myself.
My name is Sofie Sparks and I am a 10 year old agent for both the F.B.I. and the C.I.A.
   This is my journal. I am required to write down most of the details from each my cases down in this book.
    I know what you're thinking. Never let a 10 year old be a spy, (I call myself a spy).
It actually makes sense why I am a spy.
You see, people always expect a spy to be a adult. Being a child gives me a advantage. If I'm ever caught in a pickle I can just throw my puppy dog face on and look cute.
My parents own a spy school in Minnesota so I grew up with spies around me. I started spy school at age 3 and graduated at age 5.
I also learned karate at age 2. I earned a black belt at age 2 ½.
    This current case for me took place at the F.B.I.

        Chapter 2
When I heard what this crime was I knew who had done it. This was a crime that was worthy of the F.B.I. rank I was in.
     5 different paintings that were in the billionaire Bill Honsela's house were stolen.
Bill also died from a swiss army knife. He had been stabbed repeatedly in the chest and on the neck.
     When I told my crew I knew who had done it they laughed.
      They said that a 10 year old spy had no experience with bad guys or perpetrators. They had also said that a 10 year old spy or kid should not use the word perpetrators.
I don't see why. I use words like hydrophobic, discombobulated, obstreperous, hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia and pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Those are big words too.
      When they said that if I, being my spyish self, couldn't use the word perpetrators I said I shouldn't say hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia either then. Then I said that I shouldn't say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis neither.
     When I said that they stared at me in shock. Even they couldn't pronounce hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or knew what it meant.
      Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia means the fear of long words. Who doesn't know that?
     This is how you pronounce hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.
    HIPPO-POTA-MON-STRO-SES-QUIP-IDILLIA-PHOBIA.
Just like that.
      Then I left them alone to their work.
I, to my great enthusiasm, was assigned the case about Bill. They also gave me a list of suspects.
      Even though I knew who had done the crime I looked at the list. These were the people i'm sure you need no introduction to:
       1)Camron Bones. This is the guy I was talking about. He is a first class everything that's expensive thief. He was actually my first employer. Being only 5, I didn't know the difference between good guys and perpetrators was. I also didn't know the word perpetrators or hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia yet.
       2)Katy Parks. She had recently gotten fired because her bakery got shut down. There were no other bakeries in her area and she doesn't have enough money to move so she could have stolen the paintings and sold them for some cash. I really don't see how she didn't just sell her mansion. Even though she had inherited it from her grandmother it doesn't mean she can't sell it and move to somewhere else.
     3)Joe Namola. He does not like Bill because he originally wanted to be Bill's business partner. Bill said no so now Joe would want revenge and what better then steal his famous paintings and kill him?
     4)Brock Gonsolas. He is  Bill's business partner. He doesn't like Bill though because for everything he does Bill takes all the credit. Kill him? Why not? It would give him all the attention he needs.
     5)Penelope Fittes. This is the worst person on the list. Yes, she is worse than Camron. She is horrible, no good, evil, malicious, excruciatingly annoying, and irritating. She is my worst enemy. That's all you need to know about her.