Faith's PoV
friday 15th december
9:54pm
i was now in my bedroom, pacing back and forward from my bed to my wardrobe to my draws. what. do. i. wear. tomorrow.
so far i knew i was wearing black jeans and some sort of long sleeved hoodie / shirt.
i just had no clue which one. usually i don't normally care what i wear.. but somehow i feel different.
i stare at all the clothing on my bed, my eyes darting between a yellow cropped hoodie or my white jumper with a rose in the top corner.
and i finally decide on the yellow cropped hoodie, black skinny jeans and my vans.
i then tidy away all my other bits of clothing, laying my clothes for tomorrow on my window seat in my room. i take a breath and sit down on my bed.
i was currently in my calvin klein sports bra and grey sweat pants, with my hair tied up in a messy pony tail. i'd been doing house work for the rest of the day to distract myself. i've been feeling stressed and my depression is somehow finding its way back to me when i really don't want it to. usually i'd let it, but i suddenly feel like i can fight it.
all because of Rye.
i didn't even care that i was showing my arms bare when usually i do. even though no one else is ever in the house but me, i still felt the need to keep them covered, yet i suddenly felt okay not to..
all because of Rye.
i was becoming stronger, more confident and getting the feeling i was worth something again. i swear i've smiled more than i ever have in my life this past week.
all. because. of. Rye..
and then my phone suddenly starts to ring.
speak of the devil.. or angel.
i quickly throw on my grey cropped hoodie and answer the facetime call.
"I JUST REALISED SOMETHING" a voice yells from the phone and an excited Rye is on my phone jumping around what i'm guessing was the studio.
"what did you just realise" i laugh at his excitement.
"ITS SATURDAY TOMORROW" he screams and it echoes round the studio.
"i know, i've been stressing about it for the past 5 hours and trying to distract myself by doing house work" i laugh and he smiles.
"i cant wait, i just hope blair lets me peform" he says and my heart drops.
"wait what?" i ask and his eyes go sad.
"i- the whole month we were meant to be rehearsing for tour.. i never showed up to them.. you know why. he says he's worried i'll mess up since i've only rehearsed for 2 days instead of 4 weeks like the boys.. he even made them learn my parts incase i wouldn't do the show. he doesn't want to risk me breaking down or something on the stage, or the roadies worrying about my hand, or incase they're mad at me for not being active.." he tells me.
"Rye.. wait what happened to your hand?!" i ask alarmed and he holds it up. it was a little bruised and there were a few cuts on his knuckles.
"oh shit i completely forgot to tell you, that girl megan followed me for the rest of that day. i found out she's friends with that girl who ruined me.. i got mad and punched a wall. i fucked up big time" he tells me, "sorry i got caught up with rehearsals i forgot to mention it"
"it's okay rye.. i just hope your okay, don't hurt yourself over it.." i tell him and he sighs.
"i know it was a spur of the moment i guess" he shrugs and i nod.
"why is blair worried you'll break down.?" i ask him. i sort of had an idea but i just wanted to check..
"my confidence has sort of dropped.. a lot. honestly.. i'm terrified to go out there. that's one of the main reasons i facetimed you.." he says quietly.
"Rye what's wrong" i ask him worriedly.
"I-i don't want to go out there.. i've been trying to rehearse, i've been doing it none stop these past 2 days.. the boys left to get food. i stayed behind as the studio. Faith, i don't want to mess it up. i don't want to let them down.. Blair said if i didn't feel up to it he'd understand but i'd still be doing the m&g.. i just don't know what to do.. if i don't do it, i'll let them down. if i do do it, i'll probably mess up and let them down.. i want to peform.. but i'm terrified" he says, his eyes sad.
"Rye.. i believe in you. i know you can do this. if you feel off, just remember you're not alone. i'll be in the crowd, i'll be there supporting you. if you can't remember a step, follow the boys lead. let them do the talking if it comes to that. you know your songs, you'll be okay.. rye you have a talent and this is something i know you love. go out there, enjoy it and you'll do amazing. stay strong, you're not alone, ever" i tell him and he smiles.
"i cant wait to see you tomorrow, it feels like we've been separated forever" he says and i let out a giggle. oh.
"me too Rye" i say with a smile.
"i'll let you get some rest.. it's 10:30pm.. only a few hours till i see you" he reminds me.
"i know i know, i cant believe it i'm so excited" i tell him and he smiles.
"goodnight babe, i love you, sleep well" he says quietly.
"i love you too, goodnight Rye, see you tomorrow" i say with a smile. he smiles back widely and gives a wave before ending the call.
and so, i shut my phone off, get into bed, and fall asleep..
peacefully for the first time in a while.
