Andai Tiada Duka ☑️

Bab 42

Falling for you is easy,

It's like falling off of a cliff,

With your hand in mine,

Impacted all part of me,

Not frightening at all.

Being with you is difficult,

It's like the roar of the ocean,

Deep with many secrets,

Full with tides

We live within the waves.

You are like the sky of my life,

Dark, with blinking stars,

Cool, with fine air for me to breathe,

Silence, with thousands of calmness,

With joy, I would say still; "You are all I need,"

Aisyah tersedu perlahan. Air matanya disapu perlahan. Dua kertas ditangan kirinya dikeronyokkan. Pendiriannya kali ini seorang diri. Tiada lagi John Durke memeluk pinggangnya dari belakang. Tiada lagi John Durke curi-curi menciumi pipinya. Tiada jua lagi kata-kata manis dari mendiang suaminya. Gumpalan kertas kedua yang dijumpai di bilik kerja John Durke dibuka lagi sekali.

I'm not a man, I'm an abuser. I'm worst than any beings. I wish I didn't lay any fingers on you. I wish I went to a therapist and settle things up with my bad temper. I wish I am dead, so that when you woke up, you will no longer shed any tears. It's pathetic, I'm pathetic. I want to die in your arms. I really love you. I will never stop loving you.

Kedua-dua helaian kertas yang telah koronyok tadi dikeronyokkan lagi sekali sebelum dibuka dan dikoyakkan oleh Aisyah berkali-kali hingga ia menjadi kepingan-kepingan kecil. Aisyah menyapu air matanya.

"Aisyah minta maaf." kata-kata maaf yang tiada penyudah diulang berkali-kali dengan juraian air mata. Dia rasa kosong. Dia rasa sendiri. Kali ini, memang benar, dia betul-betul keseorangan.

**

4 bulan kemudian

"Sya, have you heard anything from Iskandar?"

"Yes, mam. His PA asked for you."

"Lah.. kenapa awak tak beritahu saya awal-awal?" tanya Aisyah sambil mengeluh.

"I'm so sorry mam. Saya memang nak beritahu kejap lagi, lepas habis meeting."

Aisyah menggaru-garu kepalanya yang tidak gatal. Tudungnya senget sedikit, tetapi dibiarkan begitu untuk beberapa minit sebelum membetulkannya sedikit.

"Lain kali, pasal apa-apa pun, saya nak awak beritahu saya awal-awal. Faham?"

"Baiklah. Saya minta maaf." kata Alisya perlahan.

"Ya. Dah, pergi buat kerja awak."

Belum sempat Alisya memulakan langkahnya, dia dipanggil semula oleh Aisyah.

"Eh, sekejap. Sebelum tu, saya nak awak bagi saya minit mesyuarat tadi. Terima kasih ya," kata Aisyah sebelum memberikan senyuman manis kepada Alisya.

Alisya senyum kembali sebelum menganggukkan kepala beberapa kali.

'Well, at least she smiles,' kata Alisya dalam hati.

**

"Rosaline, nanti jangan lupa selalu telefon ya?"

Rosaline tersenyum sambil menganggukkan kepalanya. Dia memeluk erat tubuh Aisyah. Air matanya rasa mahu tumpah.

"Awak tu kat sana nanti seorang diri. Jaga diri tu elok-elok ya."

Rosaline menciumi pipi kanan Aisyah.

"Don't forget to write me something."

"What are you now? Some mak cik - mak cik that live in the 90's?" Rosaline ketawa.

"Ok Rosaline. Just don't lost contact with me." kata Aisyah sambil mengeluh.

"Aisyah, I need to tell you something actually," Rosaline terdiam sejenak. Dia menarik tangan Aisyah untuk duduk disebelahnya.

"Pertama sekali, you will always be my sister, wether you like it or not. Kedua, I need you to know something about our family."

"Apa ni? Macam menakutkan pulak dah," Aisyah ketawa, bunyinya tidak ikhlas.

"John told you that we lost our mom and dad. But the truth is, they are still living. They are okay with you, they are just not okay with the fact that you are a Muslim and have a really strong faith in Islam. Our family had a fight. A really big one. So, John and myself left them. John cut them off for good. But I am still in contact with them."

'Ya Allah, drama apa pulak dah ni?' kata Aisyah dalam hati.

"The point is, he has been always love you from the moment he had his eyes on you. I know he caused you a lot of pain. But his love towards you, that can never be a lie."

"Kenapa baru sekarang?"

"You need to know the truth. I guess he has always been obsessed with you."

"But..."

"It's the truth."

Aisyah memandang ke arah anak mata Rosaline. Seketika kemudian dia tersenyum.

"Thank you for telling me this. I appreciate it a lot."

"And don't worry about our mom and dad. They never blame you for anything. Even with John's death. They know, he is the one who is killing y.."

"Stop right there. I love him with all my heart. But I need to move on from the pain he once caused me. It's not good to talk bad about someone who just died you know. Nanti dia jadi hantu lepastu datang cekik, nak?" Aisyah ketawa perlahan. Dia cuba untuk menahan air matanya dari meleleh turun.

"Remember, there are so many people who love you. Give them a chance,"

"Okay, stop right there sister. You need to catch your plane fast. Go!"

"Halau ke ni? Sedihnya... sobs,"

"Mengada!"

Mereka berdua ketawa seketika dan bertukar-tukar cerita sebelum Rosaline terpaksa meninggalkan Aisyah untuk daftar masuk penerbangannya.