The Suicide Girl [Completed]

Chapter 49: Thoughts

Third Person

"You alright?"

Standing on the roof of the building, Cheryl Faun had been scouted out by her college friend, Caleb. She looked over her shoulder and saw him standing by the door to the roof of their dormitory building.

"Oh, it's you," she acknowledged quietly. She looked back at the night sky and nodded. "It's been only two days, but Doctor Hansen says it was just a really emotional dream."

Cheryl put her hand on her heart, feeling it beat softly. She could practically feel the coils of her sister's arms around her. But.. I know it was real. She heard his footsteps as he approached her, not making a move to get away from him. Caleb stood beside her, leaning against the short, concrete wall of the roof.

Cheryl looked at him and said, "Thank you though."

"For what?" Caleb asked, looking down at the court yard below them. "I couldn't do anything. You collapsed, and I just freaked out."

"That's not true." The girl glanced over at him again and saw the raven blushing madly. "Doctor Hansen said you carried me all the way to the hospital. Not even the infirmary here, but the hospital..!" Caleb didn't reply. Cheryl looked back up at the stars. "Besides, what you said isn't particularly wrong." Hazel eyes snapped towards her. The slight wind blew against them, their hair flying gently as she whispered, "I might.. just... try to kill myself again."

"W-What?!"

Her eyes closed, feeling his worried gaze on her. Many things she questioned had sung in her head. Many wishes escaped her grasp. Many lives revolved around her emotions. How much longer can I take all of this? Letting out a soft breath, she said, "Without Tristan in this world, it feels like I've been suffering. Is it even worth living if it hurts so much to even count as living?"

"But that—"

"Caleb."

The boy stopped himself. His lips pursed together, and he turned away. Cheryl peered at him, her purple eye sparkling with curiosity. He doesn't understand, so maybe I should elaborate. Her hand reached for his and held it tightly. Caleb looked at her, only for his eyes to widen as his attention focused on her face.

A smile.

A small genuine smile.

Even with the small smile on her face, it seemed to hold so many feelings that she kept inside of her. Happiness. Sadness. Frustration. Pain. Love. It held so much raw beauty in one simple action.

Her smile was absolutely captivating.

"Caleb..." she whispered to him quietly. His eyes glanced at her, and he hesitated to answer. "Maybe you don't know why I have this idea. And that's completely understandable." A lone tear ran down her left cheek, and her eyes opened a little. The purple color shined brightly, even through the small crack. "But the reason I have thoughts of death is that I've already seen hell already. I've lived in hell my whole life."

"I still don't understand..."

Cheryl's smile just widened a little, and tears welled up in her eyes again, trying to remain unchanged. "Caleb. Have you ever had someone you loved that you almost lost?"

"Well. Yes," he mumbled.

Cheryl peered at the millions of stars, ignoring the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Imagine a moment where they vanished. They were killed. Right before your damn eyes. Their blood is on your skin. You can feel it. Imagine the rash feelings and emotions within that moment where it seems like breathing is impossible."

Caleb flinched at the image.

"Do you understand me now?" Her voice was low and quiet, and she didn't wait for him to nod or shake his head. "I have seen hell. I have lost someone I loved. I am a burden to the dead person's mother." Her hair blew to the side. "Someone like me doesn't deserve to live in this world after all the times I've escaped death. It's time I embraced it. He's offered me so much. His mother has offered me so much. I can't live this world knowing I've done nothing for them." The tears streaming down her face made Caleb's heart beat faster. She wiped them away with her sweater. "I can go through hell again. I really can. But I want to go to hell with him."

Caleb's grip on her hand tightened as he clenched his jaw. "Dying isn't an option." Cheryl peered at him, curious by his words. His fingers clamped around hers, and he struggled to say the words, repeating them once again. "Dying.. isn't an option."

A frail smile was on her face. He's quite a catch. "Caleb. Dying is a gateway to hell for me." Cheryl didn't want to sound selfish, but her longing for death and love was more than just with her family. "And hell will be fine for me as long as I see him. That's how insane I am willing to go."

Caleb silenced. He was stunned by her words. "Where do you plan on..." He trailed off, too startled and deconstructed to say a word.

"Burj Khalifa," she replied calmly, holding his hand in a gentle manner, "Tallest building in the world." Though the world had undergone many decades, the Burj Khalifa remained the tallest building. Structures tried to surpass it, but people just made it grow even taller. "Tomorrow."

"So, tonight is the last day I get to see you before you go?"

"Hmm... yes, I suppose."

"Oh.. Okay..."

"Will you enjoy my last few hours with me by standing here and staring at the stars by my side? I'd love for some gentle silence with a new friend."

"..."

"Please."

"Of course."

For the girl, she had plans to die.

For the boy, he had plans to save.