memories | shawn mendes

42

9 January 2019

I was at home. It was quiet. I wanted to be in the comfort of my room. I would watch a movie and every now and again I would let out a few cry's. I cried until my eyes felt like they weren't there.

Shawn:
Hey

Alissa:
Oh hey Shawn

Shawn:
Whatcha doing ?

Alissa:
Nothing. In bed

Shawn:
Cool.. how you doing?

Alissa:
I'm alright

Shawn:
I'm coming later because my mum wants too see you guys

Alissa:
Okay.. see you then

Shawn:
Bye

***
A few hours passed by. I heard the sound of someone going up the stairs. My bedroom door creaked open. I looked up and saw Shawn standing there. I had puffy eyes and looked like a mess. "Hey.." I whispered. My voice broke

"Hi..." he raised his eyebrows. "Come here..." he opened his arms knowing exactly what I wanted. I rushed over and gave him a hug. I cried in to his chest. "It's okay... let it all out..." he whispered into my hair. I rested his chin on the top of my head. My breath hiccuped as I cried harder. "Alissa.. you need to breathe.." he knew I was going into a panic attack.

He pulled away, took my hand and made me
Sit down on my bed. He put his arms around my back and rubbed his hand. "Calm down Alissa.. breathe..."

The pace of my breath got quicker. I literally felt empty. It's like when you stop breathing and hold down... that empty feeling. Everything around me faded. I was loosing the feeling of life. I felt my body falling back. Shawn quickly took his hands and put them behind me catching me. My eyes closed and everything went black.

***

Beep.. beep...

There was a light breaking my eyes open. My eyes fluttered open. I looked down and saw a male hand locked with mine. I gave it a light squeeze using all the strength I had. I looked over turning my head. I saw Daniel. I moved my eyes around and saw my mum and sister.

Daniel slowly pecked my lips. His soft lips rubbed against my chapped ones. We pulled away and I put my lips together. The door opened. Shawn walked in. "Hey.." he whispered. I gave him a weak smile as a response.

I looked at my mum. "I want to go home." I sat up from my bed so my feet were touching the ground.

"Hey sweetie... they want to do a test on your for depression..." My mum walked over sitting down next to me.

"I want to go home..." I felt panic rush through me. "I'm fine. I don't need to be here." I huffed rolling my eyes back.

"Alissa." Shawn and Daniel said in sync. They voices were both stern. I looked back at Shawn and then Daniel.

"Just lay down..." Daniel said. I swallowed down. I had no Saliva in my mouth.

"Can I have water please?" I said looking at My mum.

"Yeah.. I'm going to go with mum, I want something to eat..."

"Yeah.. mum and Aaliyah are waiting outside." Shawn quickly responded.

They all left the room and it was just Daniel and I. He looked at me. "I'm not sick, you can lay down next to me." I joked and laughed. I shuffled over to give him space.

He rubbed his thumb against my puffy eyes. We looked at each other. I put my head on his shoulders. "The fans send their love.." he kissed my temples. I smirked not really wanting to talk.

"I miss him Daniel..." I blurted out then huffed.

"I know... I know..." he whispered as we both stared at the wall. "It's normal..."

Tears tricked down my face landing on Daniel grey shirt making it go darker. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged. "I miss him so much..." I sobbed harder into his shirt. He kissed my head repeatedly. "I miss him... I just want him to come back... if only I hadn't had gone to LA.. I wish I had just stayed at home.. with him..."

"Babe, you didn't know. This isn't your fault. They didn't tell you he had cancer."

I sat there inhaling his scent and listening to his heart beat. I felt relaxed.