memories | shawn mendes

108

28th April 2020

I got into my car and cried. "I'm so fucking stupid. I'm so fucking stupid." I cried as my hands rested on my wheel. "Why the fuck did I just do that?" I asked my self "for fuck sake shawn!!!" I hit my steering wheel. "You're so fucking stupid!!" I hit my wheel again every time I said another word.

I had to hear her voice. I picked my phone up and ring her. It rung twice and she answered.

"What's up Shawn?" She asked. I stayed silent breaking apart as I heard her voice.

"Just wanted to make sure you weren't crying." I chocked.

"Alright then, I'll speak to you later." She sniffled out.

"Brian and Aubrey are coming to get my stuff as well." I quickly added in.

"Alright then." Her shaky breath inhaled. "Bye lo-" She stopped myself from saying "love you"

Her not saying Love you made the break up 50X more real

"Bye." I ended the call and the whole car went silent again.

I started to drive. It wasn't safe but I had to get away from her apartment or I was going to go crazy.

Brian started calling. "I don't want to talk." I said to him

"Shawn, where are you?" He asked

"Driving." I gave him a one worded answer

"Where to?"

"I told you I don't want to talk."

"It's not safe for you to drive." I heard Aubrey snatch the phone from him.

"You're not my mum!" I shouted then ended the call.

My heart felt heavy.

***

I drove up to Mine and alissas spot. It felt weird being back here.

I went to the trunk of my car to get water and the first things that I saw when I opened the trunk was alissas hoodie.

I picked it up and held it close to my chest. I walked back to the car.

It still had her scent. "oh my god I miss you so fucking much." I said as if i was talking to her

Alissas pov

I was on the last of shawns clothes and most things were packed up. I went into his bedside table and saw he had a note

Hey, I don't know when you're going to see this but I'm writing the day before I'm leaving for tour. I just want you to know how grateful I am for you! ❤️

Shawn xoxo

I playfully rolled my eyes. Only trust him to leave me cute silly notes that I'll never find.

I picked up his perfume and sprayed it around the room as if he had sprayed it just before he was about to go out.

I got my phone and connected to the in built speakers we had built in before we had a party. I played "alessia Cara out of love"

The song summed up how I felt perfectly.

I laid down on my back and the tears fell and fell into my Brown hair.

My front door opened and I knew instantly it was aubrey.

She ran into my bedroom and kicked her shoes off.

She quickly laid down next to me. I put my head on her lower chest as she cradled my head. "Let it all out.." she rubbed my hair

"I miss him so much.." I bawled "I cant do this"