SoulMate (COMPLETE)

25

I wanted to cry. Imbes kasi na magkasundo kami, lalo pang gumulo.

All this time, alam kong mahal ko pa din sya. Alam kong sya pa din. Again, sinubukan ko naman e. Sinubukan kong tumingin sa ibang lalaki because I knew that everything won't be the same once I get back. Pero wala e. Lahat ng daan, pabalik sa kanya. So I stopped trying. But it doesn't mean that I hoped. O siguro nga I hoped, pero mas nangibabaw ang reyalidad sakin. Minsan man magsalita si Agua tungkol sa estado namin ni Lord, pero isa sa paulit ulit nyang sinasabi na hindi ako pwede mag-expect na lahat ay katulad pa din ng dati. Na kami pa din sa huli. Because sometimes, love isn't enough to melt all the hatred on someone's heart.

After that raw of arguement with Lord, I realized that he's hurt. Or maybe I knew, just ignored it because I was hurt more. That's what I thought. But now I know that we're both hurting. Regardless of who's hurt more. Nasaktan ako. Nasaktan din sya. And as much as I want to slip it away from me, Lord needs healing too.

Pero paano nga ba kami uusod kung nandyan pa din sya? Paano ako makakalimot kung alam kong hindi sya nawawala sa buhay ni Lord. Because I don't think that I just lost my trust, it is more of, I got traumatized. Pangalan pa lang nya, nanginginig na ko. Paano pa kaya pag nakita ko sya?

But more than the issue with Ryla, it is me who needs to trust. Tama si Lord e. Hindi porket di ka nagsasalita kapag nagseselos ka, mature ka na. Hindi porket ikaw ang laging nagbibigay, ikaw ang mabait. Sa katulad namin na hindi madalas magkasama noon since both of us are working, he wouldn't know what I always feel. It still falls under luck of communication. Hindi porket, ako ang laging kalmado samin, ako lagi ang umiintindi. Kasi katulad ngayon, dumating ako sa punto na sumabog na lahat ng sama ng loob kaya nasumbat ko lahat. Nakimkim kasi. Got a lot of realization, huh?

Sa dami ng iniisip ko, hindi ko na namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako. Pero nagising ako dahil sa pakiramdam na nakalutang ako. When I opened my eyes, karga karga na ako ni Lord. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa pagod o nagsawa na lang ako makipagtalo, hinayaan ko na lang sya.

"Saan ka galing?" I asked with eyes half closed but he didn't bother to answer. Before he leaves, I held his hand. "Saan ka galing? Amoy alak ka."

He looked at me for a moment, almost expecting that he will not answer back. "Napainom lang sa labas."

Palapit na sya ulit sa pintuan when I asked again. "Saan ka pupunta? Hindi ka pa ba matutulog?" I didn't know how it came up to him. Napatigil sya sa paglalakad at medyo gulat na napatingin sakin.

"Magshower lang ako. Mauna ka na matulog." Lumabas na nga sya.

Akala ko tapos na ako magdrama kanina. But the moment the door was closed, umiyak na naman ako. Bakit parang mas malayo pa ngayon si Lord kesa nung nasa States ako. Na kahit abot kamay ko na sya, di ko pa din maramdaman na nandyan sya. How ironic, right?

I saw him enter the room again. He went near me so I close my eyes though the tears are still streaming. I don't know what he did but I heard him sigh.

"Bakit ka na naman umiiyak?" He sounded helpless. "May masakit ba sa'yo?" He asked with concern but more of sadness on his voice.

As I open my eyes, I saw him standing right infront of me. I just stared at him. Maybe memorizing the new him.

"Pia, anong problema?" Still not trying to get near me. "Kukuha lang ako ng unan. Matutulog na ko." Not giving a damn with my drama.

Nung lumapit sya, hinawakan ko ang kamay nya. I didn't say anything. Gusto ko lang maramdaman na nandito pa din sya sa tabi ko. Kasama ko pa din kahit hindi ko na maintindihan ang nangyayari samin.