SoulMate (COMPLETE)

35

When we arrived in his condo, I was expecting na matutulog na din kami agad. It was late. And while on the road, pansin ko din talaga ang pagkapagod nya.

"Pwede ba tayo mag-usap?" He said while I was on my way to his sala.

I want to ask on why do we need to talk when in fact, he looks so tired. "Bukas na lang. Mukhang pagod ka na." Instead, I say.

"Ngayon na." He insisted.

Both of us went to the living area. Naupo kami and for the longest time, we stared at each other. Akala ko buong magdamag lang kami magtititigan.

Habang nakatingin sa kanya, I see a lot of emotions which is weird. It seems that he wanted to say a lot pero hindi nya kaya magsimula. And if no one will start talking, wala din mangyayari.

"Hindi ba pwede to sa ibang araw? Mukhang pagod na pagod ka na talaga." I started.

I heard him inhaled. It was like, he had been controlling his breathing. "Maaayos pa ba natin to, Sophia?"

I was dumbfounded. The question that I kept on asking myself was now asked by the person I never thought would ask. Kasi yung tanong na yun, yun yung tanong na tatapusin na ata lahat. Lahat ng pinipilit namin buuin. Yung tanong na kahit ilang beses tumambay sa utak ko, ayoko marinig ang sagot. It was a question of uncertainty, but the answer will be a sure shoot.

"Binigay ko yung panahon na gusto mo. Panahon na kailangan mo. Kasi di ba? Sabi mo, kung mahal kita, ibigay ko. Ibinigay ko na. Ngayon, gusto ko malaman. Ngayon na nandito ka na, maaayos pa ba natin?" Why do he needs to ask the same question? Pinahaba lang pero dun pa rin ang bagsak.

"I don't know." I honestly answered. Because in this relationship with him, walang sigurado. Walang permanente.

I've been back for how long? Pero bakit kung ano yung sakit ko nung umalis ako, ganun pa din? Is it really Ryla who ruined us? Maybe she was a part of it. Pero after that, di ba kami na ni Lord ang may problema?

"Gusto mo pa ba ayusin?" For that second question, my answer is a hundred percent sure.

"Yes." Without blinking my eyes, I answered. I saw him smile. "But I don't think it will be an easy ride Lord." I told him with all honesty. "You cheated on me." That's when his smile faded. "And for a person who always worry about everything in her life, it was a big blow for me." I'll lay all my cards. "They told me to move on. They told me that it is already in the past. Na kung mahal kita, magrisk ako ulit." Naninikip ang dibdib ko. I just don't know where will this lead. "Pero kasi Lord, forgiving is a lot different on risking."

"Napatawad mo ko pero di mo na kayang sumubok ulit." It was a statement. A sure statement.

"I've been in hell." I said habang nakayuko ako. I just can't stand staring the hurt I see in his eyes. "Simula pa lang Lord, alam mo kung gaano kita kagusto. Lahat ng gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko, nakasunod ang pangalan mo. Ultimo pag bili ng simpleng bagay, I would ask myself if you'll like it. If you'll approve of it." Nangingiti kong sabi because I remembered a lot of things. "I can do everything for you because you are just my everything." The smile is still in my face, but it turned out sad. "But you hurt me so much."

"At hindi sapat ang mga sorry ko para makalimutan mo ang isang pagkakamali. Tama ba?" Kahit di ako nakatingin sa kanya, ramdam ko ang sakit nya. "Impyerno din ang pinanggalingan ko nung iniwan mo ko." The wrong move was when I tried looking at him. Kasi nakita ko na kahit sa pader sya nakatingin, ang tindi ng sakit. "Lahat sinasabi sakin na ibigay ko sa'yo ang panahon na kailangan mo kasi ako yung naging gago. Kasi ako ang nagkamali. Na wala akong karapatan na humiling sa'yo na ayusin natin ng magkasama kasi nga, ako yung nagpakagago." He, then looked at me. "I have the privilege to be loved by you, but I fucked it up, right?"