SoulMate (COMPLETE)

36

The next day, nothing new happened. I mean, meron ba dapat bagong mangyari? Umiyak ako kagabi. And so? Iiyak ako ulit mamayang gabi.

If there's one thing I learned, at sa tingin ko na-master ko 'to, you just can't wake up the next day feeling okay. Because that's how dealing with pain is. Hindi pwedeng, pag umiyak ka na kagabi, wala na kinabukasan. Kalokohan yun. Iiyak at iiyak ka pa din. The only thing that you can do is to lessen the tears. Kung sampung patak ng luha ang binigay mo last night, make it nine this time. Pero yung sampu gawin mong lima? Ulol! Lokohin mo Lelang mo!

Before I can even stand up and go straight to the bathroom, may kumatok na. I still got no energy to answer back pero bumukas na yung pinto even bago ako makabangon.

"Can we talk?" Walang paligoy-ligoy na sabi ni Kuya.

Gusto kong ayawan. Wala naman kasi ata kaming kailangan pag-usapan since di na din kami masyado nagkakaintindihan. But again, I didn't say a word. Tumango na lang ako.

Pumasok sya at umupo sa dulo ng kama. Tumingin muna sya bago huminga ng malalim. "You're not okay." Not a question, but a fact.

Well, that's a good start. Kitang kita naman na namumugto yung mata ko at walang imik, tatanungin pa ba nya ako ng kung okay lang ba ko? Sensitive, huh?

"I really don't know kung ano ang nangyayari sa inyo ni Stephen." Simula nya. "I asked once, pero ayaw nya sabihin." Sumandal ako sa headboard. Sinarado ang mata because here it goes again. Oh Pain! Why so constant nowadays! Akala ko di na sya magsasalita. But he continued. "Pia." He called me. So I open my eyes.

As I look at my brother, I'm asking myself, bakit kaya kami nagkalayuan ng loob? Should I blame Ryla? Again?

"I'm sorry." The gaze in his eyes is intense. "I've been very insensitive. Alam kong nasasaktan ka. Pero di ko inisip kung gaano kalalim. Kung gaano kabigat. I just thought that you're in pain and you'll be fine soon." The sincerity is very evident in his voice. "Hindi ko naisip na laging may rason ka sa mga bagay bagay na nararamdaman mo. That the pain cuts too deep." Why can't I look into their eyes when they are so serious?! "Pinaintindi sakin ni Lord na hindi lang kasi si Ryla ang lumoko. Sya, ako at mga taong hindi naiintindihan kung gaano ka nasasaktan. We betrayed you. Because we don't tell people to just move on and forget it. We got different pacing. Hindi dahil kaya ko magmove on ng ganun ganun lang, kaya mo na din."

I told you, not because I said I'll be trying to be okay, I won't cry. Because here I am again, crying.

"Lord wanted to stay." Oh yeah, Kuya! Just so you know, he left me. "But he got to leave because you're healing process needs space. You need to breathe. At hindi ka nya pwedeng madaliin. He learned his lesson the hard way."

Wow Tears ha?! Masyado kang madami. I can't contain myself. Kinailangan ko yakapin ang mga binti ko para mapigilan ang sarili magwala.

"He hurt you. And as I said back then, gustong gusto ko sya saktan nung mga panahon na kitang kita ko ang sakit sa'yo." Lumapit sya. "But I want you to know that he was hurt too."

Ang pagtulo ng luha ko, naging sunod sunod. And what made it worst? May kasama ng hikbi.

"Sabi ko nga sa kanya, ang kapal ng mukha nya masaktan. Saang parte sa nangyari sa inyo ang pwedeng maging dahilan ng sakit nya? Tangina, nanghalik sya e. Tapos masasaktan sya? Gago di ba?" He mockingly laugh. Napapailing pa. "Sabi ko, lubayan ka at baka di na ako makapagpigil." Napapa-iling nyang dagdag. "I gave way para sa kanila ni Ryla. At hindi ako santo para sa pangalawang pagkataon, magbigay daan ulit. Not that time. Hindi ko sya mapagbibigyan ng pagkakataon kasi ikaw na ang involve."