never be alone || s.m

18

I took the day off school today. I couldn't face Shawn or Ben.

After Ben stormed out of Tim's yesterday Shawn took me home, and the whole ride back was silent. He refused to answer my question.

All day I had just watched Netflix and cried. I hadn't done this since I was in my last school, because I had been having such a good time recently. But having friends is harder than I thought it would be.

I knew I could never be okay again until I found out the truth. Until I found out what happened at Ben's party.

Faint memories of that night had been flashing through my mind all day, but I couldn't remember much of it due to being so drunk that night.

I remember arriving at the party with Abby. And then seeing Shawn with Josie, so I drank a lot. And I remember dancing with Ben, and then going upstairs to his bedroom. But everything is blurred from then on, until I woke up in Shawn's bed the next day.

The thought of it made me sick.

shawn
why aren't you at school?

shawn
i'm sorry if you're staying home because of me

shawn
i'll explain everything. if that's what you want

shawn
can i come over later?

shawn
maya please

maya
yes

I took a long bath to clear my head, and then threw on a hoodie and jeans because Shawn would be here soon. I didn't bother doing anything to my hair or putting makeup on, I wasn't in the mood.

Then there was a knock at my bedroom door.

"Come in" I said quietly. I hadn't spoken all day so my voice was croaky.

"Hey" he half-smiled, walking in. "Your mom let me in"

I just nodded in response.

He stood there patiently, waiting for me to say something. Instead, I patted the bed next to me, gesturing for him to sit.

He took a seat next to me, and we were so close our arms were touching. It made me uncomfortable knowing he was keeping a secret from me.

"Please explain everything Shawn" I begged.

"Of course" he responded. "This is going to be very hard for you to hear, and for me to say, so it may take a while"

He took a deep breath, and began.

"So last Friday, at Ben's party, you were very drunk. I saw you go upstairs with him. I was angry and upset that you'd go with him when he's not a good person, so I was about to leave. That was when he came back downstairs, telling people... that..." he took another deep breath. "Telling people that you two had sex"

My heart shattered into a million pieces in that moment.

"He was bragging about it, like you were a trophy. And I needed to talk to you, so I went upstairs. To his bedroom. And I found you in there, in only your underwear, crying. I ran up to you and you told me that he'd hurt you. That you didn't want it to happen" his voice began to break.

Then there was a long pause of silence.

"He raped you Maya"

authors note:
I cried writing this chapter.