never be alone || s.m

39

I ran out of Shawn's without saying a word. I didn't have time. My family wasn't safe.

I know it will just cause Shawn to ask more questions, but I didn't care. I just needed to get home.

"Mom?" I shouted as I burst through the front door. "Mom!"

"Shh!" Jake stopped me, running down the stairs. "They're talking"

He led me to the kitchen, and we poked our heads round the doorframe to watch them without being seen.

It was my mom and dad, sat on either side of the table, talking.

They never used to talk. They'd just argue and fight. But this, seemed calm.

"What are you doing here?" my mom asked.

"I want to make things right" he began. "I realised why you left, and I know that I need to change"

"And how are you going to do that?" she huffed.

"I'm going to rehab. And when I come back, my alcohol issues will be gone. And then everything can go back to normal" he answered.

"And what do you mean by normal?" she wondered.

"Honey" he began, "we can move back to New York"

No.

This can't happen.

We can't go back to New York.

I can't leave Shawn.

"No- it's too late for that" mom argued.

"Think about how happy we'd be" he persuaded. "All together again, in our home town"

"Well, if you can show me that you've truly changed, then we'll discuss it" she agreed.

They then began to stand up from their seats and walk towards us, so I quickly backed away and sprinted to my room.

When I got upstairs, I closed the door behind me with force and buried myself in my bed.

How can things be so good one minute, and turn awful the next? I'd just had the best couple of hours with Shawn, and we'd finally realised our feelings for each other, and now I might never see him again?

"Maya?" A soft voice called from outside my bedroom door, presumably belonging to Jake.

"Yeah" I quietly answered, barely able to talk.

I then heard my bedroom door open slightly, and footsteps walk towards me, and I felt the bed sink from someone sitting beside me.

"We need to talk about what Mom and Dad were talking about" he began. "I don't know what you think about it, but I-"

"I don't want to go back to New York" I interrupted. "This is our home now. These past couple months have been the best months of my life"

"That's exactly how I feel" he agreed. "And I don't want Dad to change that. But..."

"But what?" I asked, cringing at the idea of him siding with our parents.

"Look on the other side of things, if we move back, and Dad gets sober, Mom would be happy again. She's been so upset since we moved here and I just can't help but think that-"

"If we move back it wouldn't be bad, because mom would be happy" I stopped him, finishing his sentence.

"Exactly" he agreed.

I let out a huge sigh of frustration. "I still don't want to leave"

"I know. Look, we'll talk more about it when Mom is ready to talk" he finished, standing up from the bed and walking away.

When I heard the door close, I finally sat up and felt a tear roll down my cheek, and I didn't even know I was crying. That shows how empty I am right now.

In the corner of my eye I saw my phone light up, so I grabbed it, and immediately wished I didn't, because I have no idea how to reply to the messages.

shawn
why did you just run out?
are you okay?
maya?
is this a joke to tease me or are you actually upset?
did i do something?
call me when you can
i'm sorry

maya
shawn you have nothing to apologise for, today was literally one of the best days of my life so thank you. i just needed to get home, family stuff. don't worry about it.

shawn
do you want to talk about it? you know I'm always here right?

maya
i know you are, and i'm so grateful for that. but i don't want to involve you when you don't need to be.

shawn
but i want to be involved, i'm feeling shut out of your life maya

maya
please don't try and make me feel guilty, it's just something i'm not ready to talk about

shawn
i've been completely honest with you about my life. i tell you everything you want to know. and this relationship is feeling very one sided, because you never tell me anything

Wait... relationship?

maya
i'm sorry

shawn
look. i'll give you space. you take as much time as you need. but i can't keep doing this unless we're both honest with each other, so until then we need to stop this

maya
stop what?

shawn
whatever is going on between us.

maya
shawn

shawn
maya

maya
please don't do this
shawn?
please answer.
i know you're ignoring me.
i'm sorry