Dear Future Husband

January 8, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

I hate Brad.

I rarely use that word because I feel it should be saved for appropriate occasions to provide emphasis, it loses meaning if you say it too much, but I hate Brad.

What he said to my sister was bad enough, but just the way he treats her-- and me for the matter-- is appalling.

He picks Clarissa up every morning, and my parents told me that it's Clarissa's job to drive me to school every morning until I can get my license. Because of this duty she has to me, whatever boy she is currently with also has to deal with me (which isn't very hard to be completely honest, I'm not very chatty in the car) or else Clarissa has to drive her own car so I am accommodated.

He wasn't very happy at first just because I could tell he likes to be in control, but after a week I just became an extra body in his car he barely took notice to.

Especially because he felt up my sister the whole ride.

I don't know if that's just something he always did, or if he only did it to make me uncomfortable, but every morning she would slide into the front seat and he would slide his hand under her shirt and jam his tongue down her throat. They would make out for a solid three minutes, his arm looking like he was kneading dough under my sister's shirt until finally he would pull away and start the car.

Sometimes, if I was lucky, they would just hold hands, but usually his hand rested on her upper thigh and she would giggle every so often when he would test the limits. Too many a Friday morning they would talk about "The naughty things I'm going to do to you tonight." And "Can I get a sneak peak?" With the occasional hand magically disappearing into pants. While he was driving, mind you.

I'm ashamed of Clarissa too, don't get me wrong, but I had a feeling she was pressured into most of this. She never did anything like this with Grant in the car, they never even held hands. She wasn't like this, it was Brad who decided to be a sex freak every morning. I was just disappointed she went along with it.

I just sat in the back and tried my hardest to pretend they weren't there. I tried putting in headphones and blasting the most raucous music I had on my phone (which consisted of Ed Sheeran's more upbeat songs, so you can see how that didn't do much to mask it), but Brad would always notice that I was trying to avoid them and smirk at me in the rear view mirror and say something loud and dirty to Clarissa just to bother me, so I guess the hate was mutual.

Just the fact that I knew that she was sleeping with him made it all so much worse because I know he was just using her for sex and would probably break her heart in a few weeks when the next easy girl came along, but I couldn't tell Clarissa that, she wouldn't listen. I also couldn't tell my parents because there was just that unspoken sister thing we had, no matter how much we fought sometimes, we wouldn't tattle on each other, no matter how bad it was. Honestly, Clarissa was happy right now, and I didn't want to face her wrath if I told my parents.

But today he really crossed the line.

He had pulled his car into his usual spot up front and both him and Clarissa got out. I opened my door just a little bit so I wouldn't get locked out, but didn't get out yet, as usual. Normally, I wait thirty seconds until they're well up the walk to the door and Brad has already been mauled by his football friends so I don't have to be anywhere near their junior things.

Today, like all the other days, I had done the same thing and gotten out of the car half a minute after Brad and Clarissa, but just as I stepped out I was pushed against the side of the car.

I gasped out in surprise as I looked up at Brad hanging over me like a storm cloud, a grin like a crack of lightning on his mouth.

"E-Excuse me." I said like an idiot, attempting to slide out of his grasp, but his arms stood firm on either side of my waist, trapping me between him and the car.

"I think I know why you get so uncomfortable with me and Clarissa in the car." He rumbled, pressing himself closer to me as I tried my hardest to shrink away from him, my heart pounding at a million beats per second as moths flapped angrily in my stomach. I felt like I was going to hurl all over him.

I didn't say anything, my throat was constricted, air refused to flow to form words. I was frozen.

He took this as an excuse to seize my breast, which further arrested my movement as my brain went on panic mode, desperately trying to make myself scream or cry or something, but I was paralyzed.

He lowered his mouth to my ear. "You want to be the one I pay attention to." His hand further compressed my breast and a whimper released from my throat. Great, the only reaction my brain produced was something that could be interpreted as a sign of pleasure. "I would fuck you, but you have to wait your turn. I'll be done with your sister in a week or two anyway, so just hang in there, baby." He finally released me and winked at me one last time before jogging off to meet his friends, Clarissa already inside.

I just stood there, now breathing heavily and clutching my bag to my chest, my breast feeling like it had disintegrated from how hard he had been holding it. Tears finally started to well up in my eyes and now my brain was numb instead of my body. I didn't know where I was, I didn't know what just happened, I didn't register anything except for the fact that I was upset and scared, so scared.

It's been nine hours since he approached me and I still don't remember what happened a half an hour after that, I was in such a state of shock.

All I knew is that I couldn't tell anyone. Not even Clarissa. It would break her heart. I just couldn't do that. How would I even tell her? She would hate me forever, she would think I provoked him or something. She would never forgive me.

But I couldn't ride in that car anymore.

I told her and my parents that I was going to start taking the bus because my friends were on it, even though the only kids that rode the bus were deadbeat seniors who didn't want to get their license and ninth graders.

Honestly, I would walk to school, even hitchhike, anything to stay away from Brad.

Xoxo, Alina