Dear Future Husband

July 3, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

I feel like a cloud has been following me around.

Considering it's been pretty sunny and warm lately, that's a pretty big thing to notice.

Everything I do just feels so empty if I'm being honest. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, nothing that means anything, nothing worthwhile to do. Ever since we broke up I've felt... broken. Alone. Unhappy.

Unhappy.

I've never felt unhappy before.

Even when I was feeling down, or sad, I was still a happy person. I still bounced back so easily and was able to push through whatever I was going through. Now I just feel unhappy, like nothing means anything anymore and nothing satisfies me, and that's a scary thing to feel.

It's scary to think that a single person did this to me, or lack thereof. It's scary to think that all of this unhappy was caused by someone leaving my life.

It's only been three days so I'm hoping my mood will start changing at some point but I've made no process. If anything, it seems like every day the unhappiness settles itself a little more into my being and makes a home in me. I don't want it to be in me, I want my happiness back.

I want Grant back.

I shouldn't be this broken up over some boy. I shouldn't be putting off doing fun things because of some guy who didn't know how to respect me. I shouldn't be unhappy because of a high school relationship that ended because it just wasn't right.

And yet, here I am.

Here I am, broken up over a boy who meant so much to me. I'm putting off doing fun things because they don't appeal to me unless I'm doing them with a guy that always made me feel like I was the most special person in the world. I'm unhappy because of a relationship ending that felt like something more than just a label, more than just boyfriend and girlfriend.

It's been 3 days and I can't find a reason to live my life because of some stupid boy that means so much to me.

This sucks.

Alina