Dear Future Husband

June 30, 2019

Dear my forever,

Fuck.

Fuck.

I fucked up and there's no going back on this.

I don't even know how I can go about trying to fix this.

I fucked up.

Shit.

Shit.

FUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

Today Alina and I went out to get something to eat after much deliberation on her side on whether she should leave Romeo home alone, but eventually she gave in.

I was trying really hard to be positive and not awkward and I could tell she was trying too, but we both knew things weren't the same, and Romeo was on her mind so it was hard to keep the morale up.

"Have you gotten your report card yet?" She asked me.

I nodded "Yeah, I'm pretty happy with it."

"Good." She smiled. "That's really really great. How was chem?" She said, laughing a little.

I laughed back. Chem was not good. I got a 65 on the exam and if it wasn't for a good semester I got during the year with Alina's help, I would've been in summer school, but I couldn't tell her that. She would get upset. "I got an 85."

She nodded. "That's pretty good, I'm proud of you."

I smiled at her. "It was all you."

She rolled her eyes. "Please, I was sitting at the other end of the classroom."

It took me a minute to get her reference but once it hit me, it stung. "Come on, Alina, we're over this."

"I know." She said as she finished up her burrito. "Am I not allowed to joke about it?"

"I don't know," I said as I poked at my beans. "I just feel like you're still mad about it."

"Why would I be mad about it?" She asked without a smile.

I opened my mouth to say something then closed it, shaking my head and putting a smile on my face. "Never mind, you're right." It wasn't worth starting a fight over.

After that I lost my appetite and we decided to get going, she had to get back to Romeo.

The first minute or so of the car ride was silent and honestly, I was still thinking about the cheating comment. I felt really really bad about that and I had learned my lesson and I didn't really want to joke about it like that. I couldn't leave it as much as I wanted to, it wouldn't help either of us if I did.

"Alina, I really don't want to joke about the cheating thing, okay?" I said. "I'm really sorry about it and you know that and I just don't like talking about it."

"I don't like the fifty I had on that semester either so I guess we both didn't get what we wanted." She muttered.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I said, my face heating up. "We're done with this, Alina."

"No, Grant, you're done with this. You decided that we were done with this and I barely had a say, like everything else. Heaven forbid I think for myself and try to do something for me and you throw a fit and make it all about you."

"When have I ever done that? Keeping our relationship a secret? Dinner with your parents? Prom?"

She scoffed. "Last I checked you threw a very big fit about keeping our relationship to ourselves to the point where I ditched on practice to give you what you wanted, and you fought me on dinner. I'm pretty sure you only asked me to prom to make yourself look good and to feel better about turning me down."