Dear Future Husband

January 17, 2019

Dear Future I Don't Know What You Are,

Please tell me what to call you.

Ok well you can't tell me

Because you aren't real

Maybe you are real

But you're not real right now

Well you probably are

Unless we have a seventeen year age difference and you haven't been born yet

But I'm not creepy like that.

Anyways, I need to come up with a new "name" for you because I don't quite agree with the term wife, soul mate seems too mushy and not realistic, and girl that I love is too generic (for all anyone else could know you could be my sister) so we are back at square one.

Babe? Nah, too generic and suggestive to whatever girl I'm currently with.

Partner? That makes me seem gay.

Bitch? Too demeaning.

Baby momma?

Actually...

Not a bad one, at least for now. I know kids are probably somewhere in the cards for me later on (even though I can't fucking stand kids) but I'll probably end up having some whether I like it or not.

Since we aren't getting married, you will be my baby momma, not as meaningless and annoying to me, but you're gonna be my babies' momma so might as well.

Good talk momma.

-Grant