Dear Future Husband

June 22, 2019

Dear my baby mama,

Romeo is sick and Alina has been really upset lately.

She tries to hide it and handle it on her own, but I can tell she's really going through a lot right now. I was pretty much the dad of this dog so I felt an obligation to take care of it with Alina, plus it meant being with her, and if I was going to try to make this work I really had to put time aside for her.

I'll admit, I have taken a bit of a break from our relationship lately, and I feel terrible about it, but with the hype of lacrosse and the boys, I haven't had much time for Alina— as terrible as it sounds.

I've been to her house four times this week just to check up on her and Romeo, mostly her. She really tries putting on a brave face for me, but I can tell she's really stressed about this. I wish I could tell her she doesn't have to hide it and deal with it alone, but even if I did she would deny it. It's actually pretty frustrating, but I can't help but admire it, she puts others feelings first always.

I've tried taking her out for food but she insists she needs to stay home to watch Romeo even though he will be perfectly fine alone. She seems to think that if she leaves him he will drop dead, but that's not the case. He's going to get through this and so will she, she's just being paranoid.

I don't know what I can do for her at this point except be present. She knows exactly how to care for this dog and what she wants and that doesn't involve anyone else, which makes it hard for me to be apart of that.

Maybe I'm being selfish, maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm just making up excuses for myself, but I feel like she's pushing me further and further away. Right when I'm trying to get back in, she's focused on other things and I can't get through to her. Let me tell you, this sucks. It sucks knowing the only person you want doesn't need you, and I can't help but feel like I've done that to her the past few weeks and she accepted it and is now going through her own phase of phasing me out.

I don't know what this is or what this means, but I don't know how much longer of it I can take.

-Grant