Dear Future Husband

March 19, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

Day 10 and Grant and I have already had our first fight.

And maybe our last.

During practice today we were taking a quick water break between drills and Grant was waiting on the bleachers like he usually did, when one of the junior girls on the team came up to me.

"Look who's back," She said, nudging one of her friends as she looked over at the bleachers. "Is he stalking you or something, Alina?"

It's a good thing it was already a warm day so she didn't see me blush. "He gives me a ride home every day, we're just friends."

"Not with the way he looks at you," Her friend said, winking at me. "You guys should date, you would be cute together."

Luckily the break ended and we went back onto the field again, unable to continue the conversation. Maybe it was obvious, I thought, maybe we needed to be more careful.

After practice he met me coming off the field like he usually did and we started walking to the car together. I pulled out my phone and started messing around on it, trying to show the girls behind me that I could care less that he was next to me when I felt his hand creep into mine.

I quickly pulled away, giving him a "What are you doing look?" as he just smiled at me. I swallowed hard and looked back at my phone, both hands clutching it this time. I noticed his smile fade and he just shook his head. What did he expect? I wasn't sure why he was trying to hold my hand when we were surrounded by people.

Once we got to the car he slid his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. I dodged him and tried opening the back seat to put my equipment in.

"What the hell?" He scoffed.

I looked back at him. "Are you crazy? There are people walking by."

"So?" He said, leaning against the car door.

I couldn't believe him right now. Was he mentally sane enough to drive? "So? No one can see us kissing, Grant, they already think we're together as it is."

"They're not wrong." He laughed. "Come on, Alina," He said, moving closer to me. "I'm tired of sneaking around."

"I'm not ready to tell my parents yet," I said. "We have to wait."

He scoffed, opening his door. "Fine."

I got in my side and he immediately leaned over to kiss me, which I didn't protest to. It seemed to make him a little happier and I was hoping it would put him in a good enough mood for the next news I was about to deliver.

"I don't think I should get a ride with you anymore."

"What?! Why?"

"Some girls on my team are starting to suspect things."

He shook his head, rubbing his face. "Alina, the only time I ever get to see you is during these car rides."

"I'll figure something else out-"

"That's what you say, but whenever we try to get together it's always 'I can't go out my parents are home' or 'Clarissa is at the mall today.'" I could tell he was starting to get annoyed.

I crossed my arms. "What do you want me to do?"

"Tell them!" He laughed bitterly. "Tell everyone so we don't have to keep sneaking around!"

"You and I both know that is not a good idea-"

"Jesus Christ does it look like I care about that?" He scoffed. "What I think isn't a good idea is lying to your parents just to avoid them being upset. Why can't you just tell them?"

"It's not that easy, Grant."

"It's not? All you have to say is 'I'm dating Grant.'"

"Then stand there and try to defend you as they argue with me.You're being so insensitive right now, you don't realize that I'm the one who is going to take the brunt of the blow. You're not the one who is going to get yelled at."

"You're being selfish right now, you don't want to let us go public just because you're worried you're going to get yelled at by your parents-"

"I'm not worried about that! I don't care if I get yelled at, I care if they forbid me from ever seeing you again-"

He laughed. "Why? It wouldn't be any different than it is now."

That just really did it for me. "So what you're saying is that we really aren't together?"

"Pretty much." He said, looking out the window.

I scoffed, shaking my head. I opened my door and started to get out.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll call Clarissa to come pick me up, because I'm not ready to let people know we are together, but I guess we aren't really together anyway."

I haven't texted him since, and he hasn't texted me. I don't know what this means, I don't know if we actually broke up or if it was all talk, but I don't know which is better. If we did break up, I wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions of dating, plus it was day ten and I was due to tell my parents today anyway. But I didn't want to break up. I didn't know why he was getting so upset now, we had been happy for ten days before this... outburst. Even in our moments sneaking around we were happy... or so I thought.

I don't know what to do at this point. I could play it safe and let him go, or take a risk and keep him.

I just didn't know what the right thing was, even if it isn't the easy thing.

Xoxo, Alina