Dear Future Husband

July 29, 2019

Dear Future Wife,

I saw Grant for the first time since we broke up and I don't know how to feel.

I ran into him at Chipotle yesterday and at first, I was just shocked. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I thought I was hallucinating I just hadn't expected to see him ever again after he went away. I almost completely forgot about it.

Not that I forgot about him, I definitely thought about him every day. I saw him everywhere in my life, in my Fruity Pebbles because it's his favorite cereal, in the passenger seat of my car, and of course at Chipotle. I had just forgotten that he was still a person and that he was coming back to Seattle. He was just an idea to me, he was just a figment of my past. I didn't think he would be in my present again.

I awkwardly started conversation before the shock slipped away and was replaced with anger. All of the feelings from when he broke up with me started bubbling up again and I fought my hardest to keep them off my face. Luckily, Sasha came over a few seconds later to rescue me.

I had told her about Grant before, of course we had talked about it, so she knew exactly who he was the minute her eyes fell on him. And whether or not he is over me, I wanted to make sure he got the message that I was off the market.

From his eyes, I could tell that it hurt him.

Maybe he never did get over me, maybe it was just really awkward, maybe seeing your ex with someone else is uncomfortable, either way he looked hurt.

And a small part of me felt bad.

To say I still have feelings for him would be wrong, definitely not the case, but we shared a connection, and the broken bonds from that connection were still there, just dead inside my chest, but they weren't gone. They would remind me that we would always have that past behind us, and that's okay.

Although I don't think Sasha sees it the same way.

"What a creep." She muttered when we got in the car. "Do you think he is stalking you? How was he at the same Chipotle as us at the same time?"

"This is the Chipotle everyone goes too," I said. "It's not that weird..."

"Do you still have feelings for him?" She asked, stopping abruptly at a stop sign.

"What?! No! Of course not!"

She glared at me, releasing her foot from the break as the car rolled forward slowly. "You seemed pretty starstruck when you talked to him, if I were you I would've dumped my water on his ass."

"It's not like he cheated on me or anything," I defended. "We just had differences we just couldn't work out." I sighed, staring out the window.

"Well, it was a good thing they didn't, or else we wouldn't have worked out." She smiled at me, taking my hand.

I can't tell anyone this but you, but there is a part of me that wished Grant and I did work out. I was just so happy when I was with him and we worked so perfectly together, despite our underlying issues. I was still angry with him for just giving up the way he did, but I guess it just proved that I was completely replaceable to him.

Sasha is right though, good things end so better things can take their place.

And I am happy with Sasha.

I am, I swear.

Xoxo, Alina