Dear Future Husband

March 1, 2019

Dear Future Permanent Bae,

It's official.

My parents are finally getting divorced.

I would tell everyone else I'm relieved and happy, but you're not even real at the moment, so I guess I can be honest and say I'm actually kind of sad.

I mean, I guess I've been saying that I wish they would just get divorced already, but that's like saying you wished your sick dog would just die already. Of course you don't want it to die, but it's been suffering for so long you just want it to be put out of its misery. That's how I felt, and I was trying my hard to hide it behind divorce jokes and asshole tendencies.

I have a feeling this isn't going to be as quick and painless as I would like it to be. My parents are greedy and selfish people, and I have no doubt they will try to get everything they want, no matter how long they have drag this out to get it.

Even worse, I think they're both fighting for full custody which isn't fair to anyone. It's not like either of them is any worse than the other at parenting (even though they're both kind of shitty parents) they're just being assholes to each other and being their greedy selves. Not once do they think about me and my sisters in this whole thing, it's all about taking as much as possible from the other person.

I love both of my parents-- even if I don't like them I really do love them-- and it isn't fair that I only get one and the worst part about it is that I have little to no say in it.

I wish I could say something, but all they would do is yell at me or ignore me and I fucking hate it. I hate feeling powerless. I hate feeling insignificant, especially in my own house.

I just want my brother back.

My parents didn't hate each other when he was alive. Hell, they started hating each other when he died, but if he were here right now, he would've pulled me away from the fighting and taken me for a bike ride or something. He would assure me that everything is okay and he would be with me through all of this.

I need you to be that person for me. I need you to take me away from everything and tell me it's ok, even if it's not.

I need you to always stay by my side, for better or for worse.

-Grant