Dear Future Husband

February 13, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

I hate Tuesday's.

Or maybe I just hate yesterday.

Grant didn't show up for our session. The one thing I have been looking forward to for four days completely let me down. I was sitting in Mrs. Bradley's room for half an hour waiting, holding onto hope that maybe he would show, but he never did.

I just kept thinking, Did I get the wrong day? Does he not like me anymore? Has he gotten good at chemistry?

I went home yesterday sad and grumpy and alone. It was like being promised a million dollars only for it to be a scam. It was just a scam, and I was a sucker.

That wasn't even the worst part.

Today was a new day, I said to myself. Everything will be better today. I was just going to forget about everything.

But I couldn't, because a part of me thought maybe Grant just forgot. Maybe he didn't mean to miss. I had to talk to him. I needed an explanation.

I caught him after the last bell rang at his locker with Vanessa.

Not only was seeing him with his girlfriend agonizing, it didn't help that he looked like a god today, his hair was perfect and glistening in the dim light of the hallway, his shirt just tight enough for his muscles to bulge through, and I could smell his faint musky, cologne from a few feet away.

I was so whipped.

And screwed.

I try to fight back my nerves as I approached him. I thought, why am I doing this? This is stupid, I should just text him, but my legs willed me forward. I wish I had broken my legs.

He had a big, beautiful, glittering smile before he saw me coming, then he dimmed and his face went straight. All I could think was TURN AROUND NOW YOU'RE BEING AN IDIOT!!!!! But of course, all of my common sense had gone out the door.

"Hey, Grant." I said with a weak smile.

"Hi." He said with a sigh, looking down the hall behind me, pretending to be very interested in whatever he was looking at.

Meanwhile, Vanessa was giving me a glare that could've been buried me alive. What had I ever done to her?

"You didn't come to our session yesterday, is everything ok?" I can't even think about this without cringing.

Vanessa scoffed, rolling her eyes. Seriously, what was going on? Grant looked down at her, then back up at me, straightening his shoulders. "I don't need your help anymore."

"What do you mean? Mrs. Bradley said-"

"I don't care what she says, I'm done ok?" He scoffed, Vanessa starting to smile beside him.

My limbs felt like jello and my heart like crushed glass. Not only was I being rejected, but I was being almost scolded. I felt like a joke. I felt small. "Grant, can you please explain to me-"

"Am I speaking another language?!" He raised his voice. "I'm done with you! I don't need help from anyone, let only a dumb sophomore! Just leave me alone." He hooked an arm around Vanessa's waist and left me in his dust, Vanessa's head turning over her shoulder just to smile at me coldly from Grant's embrace.

My face felt like it was a thousand degrees and I could feel the eyes pushing against my body, trying to make me feel more violated and embarrassed than I already was. Tears climbed up my throat and I breathed rapidly to fight them off. A few snarky giggles came from across the hallway and I ran as fast as my jello legs could go.

Even that wasn't the worst part.

The first place I went was the bathroom, but it was filled with the normal after school crowd and cheerleaders and crying in there would make me look like more of a fool than I already was.

Just walk it off I told myself. It's not a big deal. Grant was a jerk (a hot jerk) and I didn't need him more than he didn't need me. I was fine. I was just PMSing or something. It wasn't a big deal and everyone would forget this tomorrow including myself.

But did you see the way he looked at me? That wasn't the Grant I knew. That wasn't the Grant that gave me rides, and tissues when I cried, and smiles just because. Who was that? I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he could just flip a switch like that, especially when I never did anything to him.

I walked the empty halls of the top floor for a while, where the after school crowds weren't as thick and I could distract myself by peeking in classrooms to see what activities teachers had going on inside. Clarissa had band until four so maybe I could pop into one of the rooms and just hang out for a while until I cooled off.

I had gotten to the end of the hall and had turned around to walk back when I saw a large mass moving towards me from halfway down the corridor.

As I got closer to the thick chortling bunch, my throat constricted and all of my muscles tensed up. I was paralyzed. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. It was him. It was Brad.

I was hoping he wouldn't notice me. I was hoping he wouldn't care. I was hoping he would realize what he had done and not do it again.

My hopes were futile.

Of course he noticed me, of course he cared, and of course he was going to harass me, even more motivated now than before, since he had all of his friends revolving around him praising his every blink. I was a chunk of dead seal floating in shark infested waters, and the sharks were starving.

"Hey, beautiful," He grinned, stopping before me, scanning my body. I could've been naked with the way he was looking at me and the way I felt right now. To him, I think I was naked.

He turned to his friends with a smile. "Is she blushing or is that all of the blood rushing from her brain to her pussy?"

They erupt in laughter, making my rib cage quiver, Brad just looking even more proud of himself than he already was. I still couldn't speak, and the only thing that had the potential to come out of me were tears.

He took my speechlessness and his friends' approval to keep going. "Either way, I think you're happy to see me." He grinned evilly, holding two fingers up to his mouth then sticking his tongue between them, a repulsive image that made my body go cold.

He laughed along with his friends, winking at me before starting to leave with a "See you later."

Before, I had been scared. I had been worried. I had been anxious. Now I was terrified. I was shaking in my skin and I wished I could be little again when the only thing I was terrified of was monsters under my bed and cooties. Except the monsters would go away when you turned the lights on, and cooties could be avoided if you were in the girls only zone on the playground. I kept the lights on, and the monster was still there, and cooties ran rampant in the girls zone whether you liked it or not.

I thought when Brad and Clarissa broke up things would change. I thought that it was ok. I had been his two second victim of convenience and now I didn't matter anymore. I was wrong. I was so wrong and I didn't know how to stop this now. I still couldn't tell anyone, obviously telling didn't do anything before, if anything it put me in deeper trouble than I already was.

The only thing I could do was run and hope he wouldn't catch me.

But deep inside, I knew he would.

Alina