Dear Future Husband

March 3, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

IMSOHAPPYIMSOHAPPYIMSOHAPPYIMGOINGTODIE

Ok, I need to bring myself back to earth, give me a second.

Ok, I'm good.

Let me tell you about what happened.

So Kendra's mom picked me up and brought me to the mall where we met Grant and his three friends, two of which had girlfriends so it sort of looked like a quadruple date. It was kind of awkward at first, and I almost left because me and Kendra just kind of stood there together for a while as Grant talked with his friends. Finally, he caught a break when we were in line for tickets and we actually talked.

"See? Your friends like to hang out." He said, motioning to Kendra who was off talking to Grant's single friend, Matt.

"It wasn't easy, but I had to try to convince her that she had already studied enough this weekend." I laughed.

"Well either way, I'm glad you came." He smiled, making my heart feel light.

We went into the theater and we snagged a row all the way in the back, the couples planting themselves cozily next to each other. Matt sat to their right, Kendra sitting next to him, leaving me with her on my left and Grant on my right. (I know it's very specific, but the seating arrangement is important.)

As usual, the popcorn was defeated before the movie even started, but what mattered is that every time the bucket got down to Grant and I, our hands would touch whenever we reached in for some at the same time. He didn't notice at all, but for me we might as well have been making out.

God, I'm so weird.

Anyway, once the movie started everyone was settled in, but I couldn't. I wanted something to happen so bad. We were at the end of the group, no one could see us, and it was just the two of us. Why had he even invited me if he hadn't planned to make a move? Well, I guess we were just friends anyway, so he wouldn't do anything. Why would we do anything? He dated my sister and it was weird. So for the first ten minutes, I just sat there being sad because I knew nothing would happen.

But that's not where the story ends, why would I be so excited if nothing happened?

Then I started to think, maybe I should just make a move, maybe he was waiting for me. If you know me well enough by now, you know that I'm not one to make big first moves, so I decided to give him an opportunity.

I hung my right hand casually off armrest palm up, inviting at least a hand hold. Come on, Grant, just take the bait. Take my freaking hand!!!

I was so busy worrying about my stupid right hand, that I barely noticed his right hand resting against my arm, his fingers softly playing with my sweater.

When I finally realized this, my brain went into panic mode once again. What did this mean? Did he just like my sweater? Was he going to hold my hand? Should I do something?

I decided to bring my left hand across my body and just rest it against my left arm, my hand less than an inch away from his.

His fingers played with my fingertips a little, sending my whole arm ablaze up to my shoulder. I only had one instinct in that moment, and I acted on it.

I took his hand.

I was waiting for him to pull away, but he didn't. His thumb started to stroke my knuckles and my heart was filled with such joy I couldn't even describe. I couldn't believe it.

What did this mean? It was the most awkward hand hold ever, but it was a hand hold. He was holding my hand. Did this mean he liked me, or was it platonic? It couldn't be platonic, it couldn't be.

We sat like that for a few minutes before I did something crazy and leaned my head on his shoulder. In response, he leaned his head on top of mine, sighing.

I barely knew what was going on in the movie or around me. All I knew was what was going on inside our little bubble, and I didn't want it to end. As awkward and weird as it was, it was special, there was something so special and personal about it.

Too soon, the credits were rolling and the lights started to come back up. We still sat there for a moment, and I could tell he didn't want it to end either, and that made me so

Freaking

Happy

Our bubble finally popped when people started to stand up and he removed his head from mine. I let go of his hand and sat back up, feeling detached from my body.

I looked over at him to see him already looking at me with a sort of nervous, but excited look on his face and I thought he was going to kiss me. Neither of us were saying anything, but we were just kind of looking at each other.

Just kiss me I kept thinking.

The window of opportunity closed when his friends started to walk by us to leave the aisle and we both looked away from each other.

Speaking of kissing, Matt and Kendra were immersed in each other's mouths and didn't seem to show any signs of stopping.

Grant got up and smacked Matt in the back of the head. "Movie is over, kiddo."

Kendra's face was bright red as we left the theater as Matt trailed close behind her with Grant.

I was just about to talk to Grant-- about what, I don't know, when my dad texted and told me he was here, so all I got out was "See you Monday."

He gave me a small smile. "See you later, Alina."

I almost texted him when I got home but I didn't know what to say. Did you enjoy that as much as I did? No, that's really weird. What did that mean? No, don't scare him away. You have warm hands? Ew ew ew ew.

Thanks again for inviting me, I had a good time :)

And send. He could elaborate on that if he wanted to, but I would've sent that if we held hands or not.

But it's been four hours and he hasn't answered and I'm getting scared. Maybe he didn't like me, or he thought he did until he realized he couldn't like someone who did awkward hand holds. Maybe he wasn't hinting at holding my hand the whole time, maybe he was just trying to be nice by not pulling away.

I'm starting to get less excited and more paranoid. I shouldn't have gone. I should've stayed home.

I wish you were here so I could skip all of this weird stuff and just get to loving you.

Then again, you have to start somewhere.

Xoxo, Alina