Dear Future Husband

April 9, 2019

Dear Future Husband,

It's me and Grant's official one month anniversary today and I think I need to end it.

I think he's using me.

This morning I was getting ready for school with Clarissa in the bathroom like I usually did. I hadn't said anything to her since the whole Denny's stare down, likewise, she had said nothing to me. I was just minding my own business brushing my teeth when Clarissa spoke.

"You and Grant seemed so cute together at Denny's the other night," Clarissa said. I was confused at first because it actually sounded genuine, but kind of looked past her previous offenses because I thought she might finally be accepting all of this. "You guys seem like a very, like, serious couple." She added. "You've probably already sent him nudes, right?"

I spit my toothpaste into the sink. "What? Are you serious? Of course I haven't, Clarissa, you know I'm against that." I said before sticking my tooth brush back in my mouth.

She shrugged, dabbing her face with foundation. "Oh, right. I mean, I just assumed you have because he used to love when I sent him tit pictures. Like, if he was ever mad at me, I just sent him nudes and he got all happy again like nothing ever happened."

"I don't believe you," I said quickly, wiping toothpaste from my face. "You're just trying to get in my head and it's not going to work." Grant had never even mentioned receiving nude pictures, this couldn't be true.

She raised her eyebrows. "You want proof?" She took her phone from the counter and started scrolling vigorously. "Here." She said, handing me her phone which was opened up to text messages between her and Grant from months ago.

Grant: you fucking lied to me

Clarissa: im sorryyyyy babe i really am

Clarissa: pls let me make it up to u

Grant: you can't fucking fix this clarissa you fucked up and I'm sick of your shit

Clarissa: cmon grant don't be like this

Clarissa: ill do anything

Grant: ( . ) ( . ) maybe i'll consider it then

"You don't have to see that part." Clarissa said before I could scroll down further, taking the phone and adjusting the position of the messages so I skipped the image that I most definitely did not want to see.

Grant: damn

Grant: ok i'm over it now

Clarissa: iluuuuuuu <3 <3 <3

Grant: ugh can I come over rn

Clarissa: anytime bb ;)

I checked the contact to make sure it was actually Grant's number and not one of Clarissa's friends whom she had faked the messages with, but it was him alright.

My heart started beating rapidly and I thought I was going to be sick. This wasn't Grant, this wasn't like him at all. The Grant I had known defended me when I was assaulted. The Grant I had known was a little reserved but could always resolve things with words. The Grant I had known respected women.

And it didn't just stop there.

"If you haven't sent him nudes, did you at least suck his dick?"

I could feel my eyes physically popping out of my head. "You gave him a blowjob?"

She scoffed. "God, no, not me, but I know Vanessa used to all the time. Another thing that easily fixed whatever issue you were having with him. She used to talk about how he would pull her into closets and she would give him head. Sometimes multiple times a day. Wow," She smiled. "You must never make him mad if you haven't done either of those things."

I felt so disgusted and betrayed, even though he hadn't done it while we were dating. It was just so sickening to pull up text conversations with him sexualizing my sister's body like that, and things like that made the whole oral sex thing seem more probable. This wasn't who I thought he was at all, and I was starting to rethink things.

Now even the little things like touching my butt seem like an attempt to use me for my body. All I can think about is how Grant wanted me to come to his house last night, and he wasn't joking. Was that just him trying to get me to sleep with him?

I didn't think Clarissa was making things up to pull us apart, if anything, she was doing me a favor. Sometimes the truth was hard, but it was the truth and I needed to accept it and proceed accordingly or else I was going to find myself in a lot of trouble.

I'm waiting for Grant to pick me up to go to school right now, and I'm wondering if it's too late to maybe take the bus.

Xoxo, Alina