Back To Our Roots, Book One

XXVII. Yeah, You Aren't Getting That Back

"You little brat, you little fucking brat. I wanted a daughter, not a freak," he spat.

I backed up. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. '"P-please don't hurt me," I whimpered.

"I'm your father, I can do whatever the hell I want. Our last child, a freak. I can't believe she didn't get rid of you the moment we found out."

There was a sudden sound of running footsteps. A nine year old Nathan ran over to me, hugging me tightly. Teenage Jason stood between dad and me.

"Leave him alone!" Jason yelled.

"Boys, I don't want to hurt you, get out of the way now-"

"No! He's our brother, you can't hurt him!"

I was absolutely terrified as he stormed away. Jason hurried over to me, hugging me as well.

"He's not going to hurt you, okay? We won't let him."

I nodded weakly, crying into his shoulder.

Absolutely sobbing.

"Matt!"

Wha– what?

"Matt, wake up!"

Matt shot up from his bed, shaking. There were tears running down his face, a worried David beside him. "Matt, what happened?"

Matt hastily wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming. "No-nothing. Just– just a nightmare."

"Matt, you're crying," Wes pointed out. "'Just a nightmare' doesn't make people cry."

Matt shook his head, pulling his knees up to his chest. "I'm not okay," he admitted, voice breaking.

He wasn't sure what the nightmare was triggered by. He hadn't been having them for years.

Surely it couldn't have been kissing Sebastian, could it?

Or was it his subconscious guilting him into telling Sebastian what he hadn't yet?

He had to. He had to tell Sebastian, in case that's what it was. He couldn't deal with these nightmares again.

He reached his hand out and grabbed his phone, hoping Sebastian was awake but knowing he wouldn't be. This way he couldn't back out of it.

To: Mr. High Blood Pressure 💕
I need to talk to you.

It was hardly a minute later that there was a knock on the door.

Matt forced himself to get up, opening the door. An extremely worried Sebastian was standing there.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

"That was quick," Matt commented, wiping his eyes.

Sebastian pulled him into a hug, seeing that he was crying. It just made him cry even harder, reminding him of his dream.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Sebastian said soothingly.

"Can we go somewhere else?" Matt asked softly.

"Of course."

Sebastian wrapped his arm around Matt, holding him close to him. They walked out of the dorm together, enjoying the peace of an early morning.

Eventually they ended up at the library, hiding themselves away in the maze of shelves.

Matt rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "I didn't lie to you, per say, I just didn't tell you everything," he started.

"About what?" Sebastian asked softly.

"My dad. I just had a nightmare, and I think it's my subconscious trying to tell me to tell you. I just hate reliving it all, so I didn't tell you at first."

"You said he didn't lay a finger on you," Sebastian interrupted worriedly.

"He didn't. He never laid a finger on me."

"I sense a 'but' coming."

"But sometimes he'd drink a bit too much and try to. He couldn't, though. My brothers always intervened, Nathan hugging me so dad couldn't hurt me without hurting him and Jason standing between me and dad. They always stood up for me, yelling that I was their brother and he shouldn't care so much about such a stupid thing. That I was their brother, and he couldn't hurt me. To leave me alone. At the beginning I didn't even know what was going on, just that he was mad at me. I also kind of understated how he feels about me. He didn't kinda dislike me. He absolutely hates me. Always has, always will."

"Why? You told me earlier that he was homophobic, but if you didn't understand what was going on then you couldn't have come out to them that young."

Matt bit his lip. "He is homophobic, he hated me more when he found out. But my parents had always wanted a girl, especially him. I think I already told you that there was a bit of a complication when I was born and that my mom couldn't have any more children?" Sebastian nodded. "Well, he blamed me for that. He got mad at me for not being the little girl he wanted."

Sebastian shook his head angrily. "I can't believe him. Why does that matter so much to people? The baby is happy and healthy, who cares if it's a girl or boy or anything in between? Gender can change, but a childhood can't. You grow up a certain way, and that's that. But you can be born anything and it can change later. It's ridiculous."

Matt didn't lie, Sebastian talking about how people shouldn't care if a kid was a "girl or boy or anything in between" made him feel a bit hopeful.

"I know, it's ridiculous. My brothers who were so much younger than him knew better than he did."

"I'm so sorry you had to deal with that."

You don't even know the full story. "At least I don't anymore."

Matt shivered slightly, an icy draft blowing through the library.

Sebastian's eyes widened. "Oh, shit, you're probably freezing. You're wearing short sleeves."

"I'm fine."

"Right, sure." Sebastian pulled off his sweatshirt. "Here. I don't need you to he a Matt-cicle. It's almost winter."

Matt chuckled, touched. "Thank you," he said, pulling it on. It was a bit big on him, but he loved it. It smelled like Sebastian.

Sebastian wrapped his arm around Matt, pulling him closer. "You look adorable in that."

Matt rested his head back on Sebastian's shoulder. "You know you're not getting this back, right?"

Sebastian laughed quietly. "I figured. You wear it better than I ever did anyway."