Back To Our Roots, Book One

CXXVII. Okay, He Has To Know

They were all gathered in one dorm, the atmosphere tense. They didn't know who was going to start.

Nick decided to take the opportunity, since he felt like his was the most minor. "Um, so, I went to a doctor for the whole anxiety thing. Apparently I have separation anxiety, which was caused by, um, my childhood. So, you know, if I disappear on Thursday afternoons, don't worry about it." He awkwardly finger-gunned. "Got a therapist."

"That's great, Nick," Matt said. Nobody said anything and he sighed, looking around at them. "Okay, what's going on? There's this awkward tension in here and it's stressing me out."

Sebastian immediately looked alarmed, shifting closer to his boyfriend.

"Sorry. I just... I went to see a few of my old friends and ran into, um, my ex boyfriend," Kurt said apologetically.

Blaine looked down. "He also came back an absolute mess but won't tell me what happened," he added quietly.

"I just don't want to bring my past back to the present, alright? I don't want to freak you out!" Kurt blurted out.

"Kurt, you're not going to freak me out."

He huffed, clearly irritated. "Fine. You all know the state of mind I was in when I transferred to Dalton; what prompted my transfer was when I almost killed myself. There was some gas leak in my car or something, so I pulled over and I nearly didn't leave it until I forced myself to. So I texted my ex boyfriend for help, confessing to him how I'd been feeling.

"You know what he did?" Kurt looked Blaine in the eye, glaring at him. "He told me to get back in my car. He convinced me to, he said that I always made these plans and never went through with them. He told me to prove I could actually do it. So I did. Luckily someone saw and called for help before I died."

There was a ringing silence in everyone's ears after he finished. Blaine looked shocked and heartbroken.

"Kurt, I'm so sorry. I– I had no idea."

Kurt shook his head. "Don't apologize. I should have told you before."

"When you said it hardly affected you anymore," Matt said, drawing Kurt's attention, "you meant he caused the dissociation, didn't you?"

He bit his lip, nodding softly. "Yeah, I... Yeah, he did. And he kinda... date-raped me." Kurt winced at his own word choice. "He just didn't really stop when I told him to, I shouldn't have let him–"

"No, don't give us that shit, Kurt," Matt cut him off. "You didn't let him, there wasn't anything you could have done to stop him. You would've only made things worse for yourself. None of this was your fault."

Kurt sighed. "I guess you're right."

"No. Say it."

"What?"

"Say that none of this was your fault."

He actually cracked a smile. "None of this was my fault."

"That's the spirit," Matt said, grinning. Then out of nowhere his smile turned to a wince, and he nearly doubled over in pain as he pressed a hand to his stomach and swore. It happened in mere seconds, but not so fast that they didn't notice.

"Matt? What's wrong?" Sebastian immediately asked, worried.

"God, nobody said that was going to hurt," he mumbled, straightening up. He looked inexplicably happy, though.

"Said what was going to hurt?" Sebastian asked under his breath, nobody but Matt hearing him.

Matt followed suit, keeping his voice quiet as he could. "The kicks."

Sebastian's eyes widened, a smile slowly spreading across his face.

"Okay, what's going on with you two?" David asked, immediately getting hit with a pillow thrown by Kurt.

"You're ruining the moment," Kurt reprimanded, smiling like an idiot.