You Don't Know

16

*Peach*

_Calum! I screamed waking up in panic to fall into Ashton's arms seconds later. I was sweating, panting, gasping for air. My head was aching. My heart was beating fast like it was going to fall out of my chest. And the tears have already started to form in the back of my eyes. I was holding onto Ashton way too tight. My nails were clutching at his T-shirt and I couldn't le him go.

He just stroke my back while holding me and kept whispering that it's okay.

_ I remembered! I remembered! I repeated whimpering.

_ And do you want to talk about it? He asked calmly.

_ Yes, yes I do, I answered nodding my head.

I pulled out and faced him, then took a deep breath trying to organize my thoughts before I speak. Damn, that was too hard.

_ I... I was in a church, sitting in the pews. Alone. Looking at a coffin... I wasn't crying. Just staring. And... I didn't know who was in there... Then I was standing in the dirt... looking at people burying someone... I... wanted to touch the body I guess because I was agitated but... but they wouldn't let me... Then suddenly, the place has changed again. I was in an empty room. A quiet one... Someone was lying on the floor facing the opposite direction. I stepped closer... Then I saw a lot of white powder scattered all over the place... Drugs... When I finally got a look on the face... I..., I stopped talking letting out a huge sob I couldn't hold anymore.

Ashton held my hand and squeezed it.

_ It was Calum! I cried, It was my brother! The white powder covered his face and a syringe was planted in his hand... I tried to wake him up, I really did... But... he was cold like ice... Then a lot of other people came into the room and kept me away from him, " he overdosed" "he died" were the only sounds I heard...

Then I broke down. I was hoping it would be just a nightmare but as I was saying it out loud I realised this was only the truth. Amnesia was only a way to run away from these painful memories. I rested my head against the headboard and tried to calm down. Ashton did the same thing and started drawing circles on the back of my hand.

_ You did a great job, Peach. You're a strong woman. The remembering part was difficult but you got it, he whispered.

_ I wish I couldn't remember this part of my life, I sighed.

_ Don't say that. The past is a part of you that you shouldn't forget because this is what will help the present you to get to the future version of yourself, he reasoned out.

_ But my past version knows that Calum would never do such a thing, I said.

He didn't answer this time. He just kept caressing my hand. We stayed like this for a while then he broke the silence.

_ You know you should call your mother right? She must be worried.

_ I know, I replied.

_ I'll go bring you some food, at the meantime call her, he smiled.

Somehow seeing his smile made me feel a little light, and looking at his rosy lips made me think of last night kiss.