You Don't Know

52

*Peach*
I've been living with Ashton for almost a month now but it's nothing like I expected. It all started at the first night. I got drunk and I asked him to make love to me making a total fool of myself. And then I told him a part of the truth that I've kept from everyone and with that I obviously scared him off. The next morning, I wanted to disappear with the dignity I got left after I remembered the details. Even though he pretended that nothing happened to make me feel less embarrassed I couldn't look him in the eye for a whole day.
"That's only because you got rejected" my subconscious snorted.
No! He just didn't want to take advantage of me because I wasn't fully conscious.
"What about every other day this month!" My subconscious raised an eyebrow.
I rolled my eyes. I hate it when my mind does this!
I mean part of this is true. Ashton's been avoiding me, I guess. He leaves early in the morning and returns at night to sleep on the couch and I spend my days attending my therapy sessions or meeting my mother in different cafes and restaurants. We hardly see each other but when we do sometimes there'd be a touch of a hand, a peck on the lips but nothing more.
It's really confusing. I don't even know if we were a thing. And I don't have the guts to ask.
I let out a frustrated breath and I only came back to reality when the water turned cold.
I stopped the flow and wrapped my body in a big towel then I rushed to the bedroom.
I closed the door behind me and when I turned my heart almost jumped out of my chest.
_ Oh my God! I gasped clutching at my towel with one hand and gripping at the wall with the other to steady myself.
_ Shit! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you! Ashton stuttered accidentally hitting his head on the closet.
_ It's fine. I just didn't know that you're back. I thought I was alone. Are you okay? I asked examining the spot he hit.
_ Yea, it's nothing. I came here to take some clothes, he explained showing me the pile he picked.
Yes, we share the same closet!
_ I'll be in the living room, he added looking at me without moving.
Is it hot in here or it's just me?
He groaned.
_ What? I asked.
_ You're... biting your lip, he answered with a hoarse voice.
I didn't even notice that I was doing this.
_ So? I threw him a questioning look.
_ It drives me crazy, he whispered looking in my eyes.
_ So, I still have an effect on you, I murmured lowering my head.
_ You always have, he said posing his thumb and his forefinger under my chin pulling my head up gently.
I sucked in a deep breath and a wave of courage spiraled in me.
_ Then why have you been avoiding me? I finally asked the question that's been burning my tongue for a long time.
He looked at me quietly. What did I do? Why do I always ruin the best moments? He finally became flirty and playful all over again. I was waiting for him to speak. A part of me praying that he doesn't become distant again but another is dying to know the answer.
_ I..., he started saying but a ring on the bell interrupted him.
God dammit!
He opened his mouth again to speak but we heard the ringing again. He sighed and planted a kiss on my forehead.
_ I'll see who it is, he smiled leaving the room.
I watched him as he closed the door behind him and I exhaled desperately.